Banta's wife

Santa has been admiring his neighbor, Banta's wife. Banta's wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Santa didn't know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she's married. So, one day the lady herself approached Santa when he was alone in his apartment.

Santa: Hi.

Lady: Hi.

Santa: Is everything alright?

Lady: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).

Santa: Wow! Anything for the angel.

Lady: I...I...I...just don't know how to say this. I'll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no.

Santa: Oh my lady, you don't have to. I am ready to do anything for you.

Lady: You know, it's been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled.

Santa: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Lady: And even when he's around, he has some... (pause for a while) he has some disabilities.

Santa: Oh poor you. You must have been going through hell!

Lady: I know you'll be stronger than him.

Santa: Sure.

Lady: Can you help me?

Santa: Wow! Now? Sure, I'm ready if you are ready.

Lady: Oh thank goodness! That's why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?

Behoshi ki dawa

Shop pe Ladki ne 34D ki Bra li aur trial room me t-shirt utaar ke dukandar Santa ko andar bulaya.

Santa ne uske breasts dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, aue wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai: Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !

Romantic Santa

Santa : Can I touch your breasts?

GF Chandni : Shut up!

Santa : can i touch your heartbeats?

GF Chandni : ooooh!! tum kitne romantic ho!

Rishta wahi soch nayee!

Panga mat lo

Ladki dukandar Santa se: Condoms ka pack dena.

Santa Shopkeeper taunt maarta hai: Kis liye behenji?

Ladki gusse mein kehti hai: Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra chut*ya paida na kare.

Betuka sawaal

Santa: Agar Sunny Leone Mughal-E-Azam mein Madhubala ki jagah hoti, to uska kya naam hota?

Banta: Kya betuka sawaal hai? Tu hi bata kya hota?

Santa: Muh-mein-le-Azam

Short Santa jokes-Dhamki

Santa Police station ja kar kahta hai: Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki mil rhi hai!
 
Inspector: Kaun dhamka raha hai?

Santa:- MTNL waale, kehte hain ki bill nahi bhara to kaat denge.

Mount Everest

Santa ne Mt. Everest pe ek baba ko guttka ragadte hue dekha.

Santa- Baba ye kya hai?.

Baba - Masala.

Santa - Achha, to Everest masala aap hi banate ho?

Train timings

Santa:- Express kitne baje hai?
T.T:- 3 baje.
Santa:- Local?
T.T:- 7 baje.
Santa:- Aur maal gadi?
T.T:- 12 baje, Abe tujhe jaana kahan hai?
Santa:- Patri pe potty karne.

Santa ki beri

Santa ki beti ne kaha, "Papa, kal aapke ghar se ek member kam ho jaega."

Agle din, Santa ki beti bhag jati hai.

Santa ne apni wife se kaha, "Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya, par thi woh jyotish."

Chaand

Public toilet me likha tha "Duniya chand pe pahuch gayi aur tu yahi baitha hai" 

Santa niche likh ke aaya "Bas dho ke jaa raha hu".

Short Santa jokes-See you

Santa office ke liye nikal hi raha tha, ki uski wife Preeto pyar se boli, "See u in the evening."

Santa ne gusse se jawaab diya, "Dhamki kise de rahi hai, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga."

Ghar pe koi nahi!

Santa ki girlfriend Simran bade romantic mood mein boli, "Aaj mere ghar koi nahi hai, aa jao naa."

Santa ne kaha, "Arre pagli, tu mere ghar aaja, yahaan hum saare hain, tera dil lag jayega."

Santa ke ghar chor

Santa ke ghar chor aa gaya. Santa ne dekh liya, to chor bhaga. Santa uske piche bhaga aur bhagte bhagte chor se bhi aage nikal gaya or bola, "Ek to chori upar se humse race."

Gali ka kutta

Santa ne apni car ke niche gali ke kutte ko leta hua dekha to kutte ko bahar kheechte hue bola: "Bahar nikal, bada aaya mechanical engineer banne."

Messaging

Preeto sent a message to Santa : When are you coming home? Send me a message & let me know.

Santa messaged back: Sorry, cannot tell you.Messaging is not free.

Dancing in the examination hall

Santa started dancing in the examination hall.

Banta asked him, "What the hell are you doing?"

Santa replied, "My tuition teacher said that there are marks for every step!"

Jaan pehchaan

Santa ne ek raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha, "Aapne mujhe pehchana?"

Ladki ne kaha, "Nahi to.Aap kaun hain?"

Santa ne kaha, "Main wahi hu jisko aapne kal bhi nahi pehchana tha."

Short Santa joke-Only Blue tie

Santa Singh got an invitation for an official party and the invitation read "Only blue tie".

When Santa reached the venue, he found that people were also wearing shirt, trousers & blazers.

Ghazal

Jagjit Singh ji ne gaana gaya, "Yeh daulat bhi le lo, yeh shaurat bhi le lo..."

Santa utth kar bola, "Main bahut pareshan hoon, meri aurat bhi le lo!"

The only way

Santa’s little kid slept till late and as a result, missed his school bus.  Though, he himself was late, Santa decided to drive the kid to his school and then go to his own office. The kid guided Santa to take the first right, a little distance away to left, stop for a minute near a house, go straight and to left again, making Santa stop for a minute at several houses. This went on for forty five minutes and finally they reached the school. Santa instantly realized that the school was actually a mere ten minutes from his house.

Santa scolded his son: “You know I am late for my office and you made me drive round and round for forty five minutes, not to mention stopping me at several places without reason?”

Son: “Dad, this is the route my bus takes and this is the only way I know how to reach my school.”

Sardar jokes-Kaun sa station?

Ek lady train se utri, usne ek sardar se poocha : ye kaun sa station hai?

Sardar ne socha… socha… socha… socha… socha, phir bola: “Behenji ye Railway Station hai”

Romantic Santa

Santa: Jaaneman, tumhaara naam hath pe likhu ke dil pe?

Girlfriend: Idhar udhar kahan likhte ho? Agar sacha pyar karte ho to seedhe apne property ke paper pe likho.

Santa Banta joke-Sacha deshpremi

Santa : Sacha deshpremi kaun hai?

Banta : The one sitting on Western toilet in "Indian style".

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Hitler

Banta to Santa : Do you know Hitler said "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary".

Santa: Ab bolne se kya faydah? Jab kharidi thi tabhi check karna tha na.

Santa in accident

After an accident, a very angry driver caught Santa by the collar and said, "I showed you the headlights
and told you to go by side. Why didn't you pay attention?"

Santa replied, "I also started the wipers and said No, no, no...."

Santa's phone call

Santa dials a number, and a girl answers the phone.

Santa : Hello, kaun?

Girl : Main Seeta.

Santa: O teri!! Yeh to Ayodhya phone lag gaya....sorry Maate!

Short Santa jokes-Xerox

What did Santa do after taking a xerox.

He compared it with the original for spelling mistakes!

Santa Banta joke-Physics exams

A frustrated Santa, who had to study for Physics exams,  says to Banta: Physics would have been much easier if....the Tree itself had fallen on Newton’s head instead of the Apple!

Short Santa jokes-Mahatma Gandhi

Teacher: Who was Mahatma Gandhi?

Santa: He was the one who helped Munna Bhai in impressing his girlfriend!

Santa's order in court

SANTA went to court

JUDGE:"Order ! Order !"

SANTA: "1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE: "Shut Up !"

SANTA: "No, no..7-Up!

Short Santa jokes-Chashma

Santa: Doctor saab, main Chashma laga ke padh to sakoonga na?

Doctor: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doctor saab, varna anpadh aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.

Short Santa jokes in Hindi-Nakli note

Santa bank mein 500 ka note deposit karne gaya.

Cashier ne kaha: Ye note to nakli hai.

Santa: Tujhe kya takleef hai bhai? Mere account mein jayega ya tere?

Short Santa jokes-Falling in love

Santa apni girl friend ko ‘I Love you’ bolte bolte girr jata hai.

GF: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Santa: Just falling in love.

Short Santa jokes-Broken statue

Santa breaks a statue in a museum and the security guard shouts at him, "That’s a 5000-year-old statue that you have broken."

Santa relies with relief, "Thank God! I thought it was a new one."

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Chess

Santa: Chalo chess khelte hain.

Banta: Tum chalo, main sports shoes pehen ke aata hoon.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Bhootni

Santa: Kal raat maon film dekh raha tha. Usme ek bhootni kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi…

Banta: Kaun si film thi?

Santa: Meri shaadi ki movie thi!

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Infection

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye.

Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye.

Santa and doctor

Santa: Doctor, ye phoolon ki mala kiske liye hai?

Doctor: Yeh mera pehla operation hai, successful hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa's nasha

Santa comes home completely drunk and asks his wife: Who are you?

Wife: How dare you forget your wife?

Santa: Nasha har gham ko bhula deta hai!!

Short Santa jokes-Kitne ki daloon

Petrol pump mein attendant poochta hai : kitne ki daloon sir?

Santa (petrol ke badhte prices se pareshaan): 50 ml gaadi pe spray kar de bhai...aag lagaani hai!

Short Santa sms jokes-Lays

Santa writes a letter to manufacturers of Lays chips:
Dear Manufacturers, u 4got 2 mention one thing in your ingredients - 75% Air !!!

Santa at Petrol pump

Customer at Petrol Pump: Full tank kar do.

Attendant Santa : Sir, PAN Card ki copy do...

Customer But why?

Attendant Santa: Sir, it’s a HIGH VALUE TRANSACTION !!!

Short Santa jokes-NASA

Santa : I am going to join NASA.

Banta : Don't do that!

Santa : Why?

Banta : Because they will have to change their name to SARVANASA.

Santa ki dukh bhari dastaan

Santa apni dukh bhari dastaan Banta ko shayaari mein sunaata hai:

Izhar-E-Mohbat na wo kar sake na Hum,

Zamane se na wo Lad sake na Hum,

Hum to kar dete unko Pregnant, par,

Room ka jugad na wo kar sake na Hum.

Short Santa jokes-Ullu pati

Santa ki biwi Santa se: Sab pati ullu hote hain!!

Santa : Woh kyon?

Santa ki biwi: Unko biwi ki saari khubiyaan raat mein hi dikhti hain.

Short Santa jokes-Heads and tails

Santa grabbed a coin, flipped it in the air & said, “Heads, I go to sleep. Tails, I watch a movie. If it stands on the edge I’ll study."

Santa Banta jokes-Movie Robot

Santa : What did you learn from Rajnikant's movie Robot?

Banta : That we are going to be technologically superior that most nations in the future.

Santa : No, we learn that a girl can not only spoil a man, but also machines!

Santa Banta sms jokes-Most dangerous alphabet

Santa : Do you know the most dangerous alphabet/

Banta : Which one?

Santa : It is "W"

Banta : Why?

Santa: b'coz all worries start with "W"
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
Ware!
And finally
WIFE….!

Santa Banta jokes-Physics

Frustrated Santa says to his classmate Banta, "Physics would have been much easier if the Tree itself had fallen on Newton’s Head Instead of the Apple."

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Antar

Santa : GF aur biwi mein kya antar hai?
Banta : 20 kilo ka.

Banta : BF aur husband mein kya antar hai?
Santa : 40 minute ka.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Anda aur dudh

Santa : Murgi anda deti hai, aur gaai dudh deti hai, to aisa kaun hai jo dudh bhi deta hai, aur anda bhi deta hai?

Banta : Dukandar.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Famous Indians

Santa : Tell me the similarity between "GANDHIJI" , "SALMAN" & "MALLIKA"?

Banta : Teeno famous hain.

Santa : Woh to hai. Uske alawa, teeno ne kapdo ka tyag kiya.
Ek ne "DESH" ke liye,
Dusre ne "AISH" ke liye, aur
Tisri ne "CASH " Ke liye!!!

Short Santa jokes-Java

Santa computer company me interview dene gaya.

Boss- Java ke 4 version batao.

Santa- Mar java, Mitt java, Loot java or Sadke java!!

Short Santa jokes-Gusse ki maar

Santa ko ladki ne chappal maara..!

Santa : Tumne yeh chappal gussey se maara ya mazaaq se?

Ladki : Gussey se!

Santa : To phir thik hai... warna main aisa mazaaq bardasht nahi karta!!

Short Santa jokes-Honest answer

Santa to his servant: “What will you do with a 100 rupee note lying on the floor? Will you keep it?”

Servant: “No , Of course not.”

Santa: “Then what will you do with it?”

Servant: “I will spend it.”

Santa Banta joke-Call girlfriend

Santa: Can I use your phone to call my girlfriend?

Banta: Ya sure, just redial!

Santa Banta joke-Brand new car

Banta's boss Santa came to work in his brand new Mercedes.

Admiring it, Banta said, "Nice car, sir."

"Well" said his boss Santa, "Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year."

Short Santa jokes-Movie

Santa went to see a movie with 18 of his friends. The security guy asked him the reason for a such a b group of 19 people. Santa said, "You have only printed outside, 18 + only!"

Santa ki GF-Tauba tauba

Santa: Main tumhe kab call kar sakta hoon?
GF: Jab tum chaho tab :)
Santa: Lekin kal maine call kiya tha
GF: Subah itni jaldi to main uthti nahi
Santa: Kal 11 baje karu kya call?
GF: Nahi tab to papa ghar pe honge
Santa: To 2 baje karu?
GF: Nahi tab to lunch time hoga na
Santa: To 6 baje karu?
GF: Lekin tab to main apna favourite serial dekhti hoon
Santa: To fir raat ko karoonga
GF- Lekin tab tak to vapas ghar ajaenge sab
Santa: To main kab call karu???
GF: Jab tum chaho tab!

Santa ke PJs

Santa ke PJs

Mountain dew peene se udjata hai fear,
Basically ur concepts r not clear…

Dost ne pucha exam me “5th ans batao ” ,
Maine kaha “Melody khao khud jaan jao ” …

Palm ke pyar me pagal ho gaya Peter,
Ab Hero Honda Splendor 80km per litre.

Aatma chod gayi jism puraana,
Didi tera devar diwana…

Blood donate karne k pehle hamesha group janchna,
Basanti in kutto ke samne mat nachna….

Santa Banta joke-7th sense

Santa: All human beings have 5 senses.

Banta: I know. There are also cases of people who have 6th sense.

Santa: But you are the Gifted one. Only you have a 7th sense. It is "NON-SENSE"

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Husband aur Gadha

Santa : Husband aur gadhe mein kya farak hai?

Banta: Husband gadha ban sakta hai, par Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi hota ki husband ban jaye.

Truck driver Santa

Petrol pump se 20 km door ek Army truck ka diesel khatam ho gaya. Truck mein Major baitha tha, aur Santa driver tha.

Santa ne Major ko bataya ke Petrol pump tak dhakka lagaana parega.

Sab neeche utre aur dhakka maarna shuru kiya. Kaafi der baad jab Petrol pump par pahunch gaye, kuch jawan thak ke behosh ho gaye.

Santa ne diesel dalwana shuru kiya, to Major ne kaha ke peechhe jo drum hai uss mein bhi dalwa lo.

Santa: bola: Sir, Woh to full hai. Emergency ke liye rakha hua hai!

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Salad

Santa aur Banta ek shaadi mein gaye. Jab Khaane ke hall mein enter hue to Salad dekh ke hi bahar aa gaye. Bahar aake ek saath bole, "Kya yaar, abhi to sirf sabzi hi kati hai!"

Santa Banta joke-Rat and Bat

Santa telling a joke to Banta: A rat and a bat had a one night stand. Both of them forgot about it. What would you call it?

Banta : Fails me!

Santa : Rat gayi bat gayi

Santa Banta sms jokes-Avengers sequel

Santa : The Avengers sequel should be dedicated to the police in Hindi movies who always arrive late and pick up the pieces.

Banta : Why?

Santa : They can call it Scavengers.

Short Santa jokes-National fruit

An American asked Santa, "What is the national fruit of your country ?"

Santa replied, "It is mango, but actually, it should be Chut*ya Banana"...

Santa's letter to his Father-in-law

Santa's letter to his Father-in-law

Dear Father-In-Law,

Deeply Regret taking a Car in Dowry,

Plz Take Your Daughter or Car Back.

Can't Afford Both!

Regards

Santa

Santa Banta joke-Viagra in Petrol tank

Santa and Banta are discussing their sex life.

Santa : Put a Viagra pill in your Petrol tank.

Banta : Why?

Santa : At least the petrol indicator will stay up!

Santa's message

Santa's message to the world:

Fida hoon uski chaal pe,
Uske bolne ki taal pe,
Chahe tamacha lagay gaal pe,
lekin
Bol deta hoon sare jahan se..
Nazar mat daalna mere maal pe.

Santa in red light area

Santa went to a red light area and met a pimp lurking near a lamp post. Santa asked about availability of a girl and her rate.

Pimp: “A beautiful girl sir….You will like her….She takes five hundred per hour, I take a hundred and that policeman over there will take 50.”

Santa : “Send that policeman to me….cheap and best.”

Short Santa jokes-Pehlay paise

Sant awas sitting with his wife in a park, when a woman approaches them and says to his wife: "Paise pehlay lay lena, ye kameena bohat dhokey baaz hai…"

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Shaadi shuda

Santa: Tum office mein Shaadi shuda admiyon ko hi kyon rakhte ho?

Banta: Kyonki unhe beizzati sehne ki aadat hoti hai aur ghar jaane ki jaldi bhi nahi hoti.

Short Santa jokes-Girl in train

Ladki Express train mein Santa se poochti hai: Kya main yahaan baith sakti hoon.

Santa: Zaroor!

Girl: Thank you!

Santa: Most welcome!

Girl: Paani ki bottle paas karenge please?

Santa: Lijiye.

Girl: Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai?

Santa : Mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nahi kiya hai, jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai.

Sardar jokes-On their backs

Do you know why Sardars make love on their backs?

They are habituated of screwing up.

Santa's repentant wife

One day Santa returned home from office and found his wife in highly emotional state. The moment she saw Santa, she cried: “I am so sorry dear, really sorry.”

Santa (alarmed): “OK OK. Calm down. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

Wife: “There was this beggar who came here immediately after you left for office. He was hungry and asked for some food. I gave him plenty to eat and he went away blessing me. This afternoon the beggar returned and gifted me a book “How to cook.” And to think you have been eating the same food all these years.”

The Rocket launch

NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. However, on the day of the launch, something seemed to go wrong. The rocket made all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.

Finally, Santa Singh offered to help. The NASA scientists were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything.

'Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right,' said Santa in a serious voice. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.

'Bring it back to vertical position', Santa added. The engineers did as instructed.

'Now start the engines,' said Santa. The rocket took off and flew into space. Everybody thanked and congratulated Santa and asked him how he knew what to do.

He replied, 'It is very simple. This is what we always do with our Bajaj scooters in India.'

Santa Banta joke-Love stories in India

Santa : B**bs have lot of importance in making love stories in India.

Banta : How?

Santa : The male lover is called MehBoob &and the female lover is called
MehB( . ) ( . ) Ba.

Short Santa jokes-Three wives

Santa said to his wife: “You know king Dasharatha had three wives.”

Wife (skeptical): “So?”

Santa: “So I am entitled to two more wives.”

Wife: “Quite so. For that matter, Draupadi had five husbands.”

Santa ki maut

Santa ke marne ke baad 66 Yamdoot aaye.

Ek yamdoot saawal kar raha tha aur....

65 Yamdoot Santa ko sawaal samjha rahe the!

Short Santa jokes-Sugar level

Santa goes into the kitchen and opens a cookie jar. He looks inside and closes it. His wife observes this but says nothing. Again Santa enters the kitchen and does the same thing.

His wife asks why he is doing that.

Santa replies, "The Doctor told to check my sugar level regularly."

Sardar jokes

You can be sure you have met a Sardar if he:

* Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* Tries to drown a fish in water.
* Trips over a cordless phone.
* Thinks socialism means partying.
* Studies for a blood test and fails.
* Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application form where it says: "Sign Here", he puts 'Gemini'.
* Sells the car for gas money.
* Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

Santa Banta sms jokes-Skeleton

Santa: What is skeleton?

Banta: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it!

Short Santa jokes-Lift

Santa, a handsome Sardar was waiting for bus.

Girl in car asked: Want a LIFT?

Santa: No my home is on GROUND FLOOR.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Bandook

Army training ke waqt ek Officer ne Santa se poocha, "Yeh tumhare haath mein kya hai?"

Santa bola, "Bandook hai, Sir."

Officer bola, "Yeh bandook nahi tumhari izzat aur shaan hai, tumhari Maa hai!"

Fir Officer ne doosre jawaan, Banta se poocha, "Yeh tumhare haath mein kya hai?"

Banta bola, "Yeh Santa ki maa hai aur hamaari Aunty hai!"

Santa ki sagaai

Santa ne apni sagaai tod di.

Banta ne poocha, "Tune aisa kyon kiya?"

Santa bola, "Ladki ka koi boyfriend nahi tha. Jo aaj tak kisi ki naa ho saki, woh meri kya hogi?"

Santa ka intezaar

Principal: School ka time 7 am hai aur tum 8 baje aa rahe ho?

Little Santa: Sir, tussi mera intezar na kiya karo. School shuru kar diya karo.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Gadhi aur Biwi

Santa : Gadhi aur Biwi mein kya antar hai?

Banta : Ek bigad gayi tho bandh ho jaati hai, aur ek bigad gayi toh shuru ho jaati hai.

Santa Banta sms jokes-First to endorse

Santa : Who was the first to endorse L'Oreal Total Repair?

Banta : Was it Aishwarya Rai?

Santa: No. it was Draupadi. 5 Problems, 1 Solution!

Short Santa jokes-Sabziyon wali moti roti

Santa apni girlfriend ke saath restaurant jaata hai.

Waiter : Kya loge ?

Santa : Sabziyon wali moti roti .

Waiter : Kya??

Girlfriend :Arre ye dehaati hai, gaon se aaya hai..pizza maang rha hai.

Short Santa jokes-Gay

Santa's son: Dad, what does 'GAY' means???

Santa : It means 'to be happy' .

Santa's son : Are you GAY?

Santa: No, son. I have a wife.

Santa ka beta

Santa : Teri mummy ne mera dil tod diya. Isliye main sharaab pee raha hoon.

Santa ka beta : Mummy ne meri pocket money bhi rok di...isliye mere liye bhi ek peg banao papa...

Santa Banta jokes-Related

Santa: How are you related to my neighbor's family?

Banta: My Dog is their Dog's cousin brother.

Short Santa jokes-Last scene

Movie Director Santa: “Now you have to jump from the 15 floor.”

Nervous Actor: “What if I get injured or killed?”

Santa: “That's the idea, as it is the last scene of the movie."

Santa's Anniversary promise

Santa : Apni 25th marriage anniversary par tujhe Andaman Nicobar islands leke jaunga.

Wife : Really?

Santa : Aur nahi to kya...

Wife : Aur 50th marriage anniversary pe?

Santa : Tujhe v lene aaunga!!!

Santa talking to God

Santa talking to God:

"Tune bachpan diya, chheen liya,
Javani di chheen li,
paisa diya wapas le liya,
Ek biwi bhi di hai,
Bhool gaya kya??"

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Shaadi ka khana

Shaadi mein Santa bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.

Banta ne poocha kab tak khaoge?

Santa: Mein toh khud kha-kha ke pareshan hoon, par kya karoon card mein likha tha Dinner 7 PM to 10 PM.

Short Santa jokes-Honest reply

Santa was throwing knives on his wife's picture.

All the knives missed the target.

Suddenly he received a call from his wife: "Tell me, what are you doing now?"

Santa's honest reply was: "MISSING YOU!"

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Didi

Do bhai - Santa aur Banta apni behen Preeto ke saath jungle se guzar rahe they. Tabhi kuch daaku aaye aur unki behan ko utha ke le gaye.

Santa ne Banta se kaha: Aaj didi naa hoti, toh hamaare saare paise lut jaate.

Santa hawaldaar

Santa hawaldaar chalaan book nikaalke bola: Naam bol

Ladka: Galti ho gaya Sir...

Santa hawaldaar: Naam Bol

Ladka: Sorry sir Iss baar jane do...dobara nahi hoga

Santa hawaldaar: Naam bol

Ladka: "Trikulavattyy Thekkeparambli Venkateshwara Swami"

Santa hawaldaar (book band karke): "Agli baar gaadi dheere chalana!"

Short Santa jokes in Hindi-Itna bada

Santa ka beta: Papa, main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.

Santa thandi saans lete hue bola: Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

Santa teasing girl

Santa : Jaan-e-man…iss dil me aaja na!

Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?

Santa : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi hai, aise hi aaja!!

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Desh

Santa: Yaar, yeh bata ki is dunia mein kitne desh hai?

Banta: Oye gadhe, is dunia mein ek hi desh hai, woh hai India. Baki sab to videsh hain.

Santa's lesson in class

Teacher ne gadhe ke samne ek whiskey ki balti aur ek paani ki balti rakhi.

Gadha pani pi gaya.

Teacher ne students se poocha: Tumne isse kya sikha?

Santa: Jo daru nahi pita woh gadha hai!

Short Santa jokes-Drinking on duty

Santa, the watchman was drinking on duty.

When a building resident asked him why he was drinking, Santa replied, "Security has to be tight".

Santa Banta sms jokes-Almost

Banta asked Santa how often he had sex with his wife.

Santa replied, "Almost daily…almost Sunday…almost Monday...almost Tuesday…"

Short Santa jokes-English quiz

Santa won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of Manchester United.

Guess what he wrote?

Woman chest are divided!

Short Santa jokes-Head and Shoulders

Santa baalon ke saath saath kandhe pe bhi shampoo laga raha tha.

Yeh dekh kar wife boli: Kya kar rahe ho?

Santa-: Yeh koi aam shampo nahi hai, yeh Head & Shoulders hai.

Short Santa jokes-Let's have some fun

Santa's wife says to him, "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."

Santa replies, "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

Santa's pregnant wife

Santa's pregnant wife goes to see an astrologer.

The astrologer tells her, "When you deliver the baby, the child's father will die."

Santa's wife says, "Thank God, my Husband is safe. The risk is to the Sperm donor."

Short Santa jokes-Ab bas

A Cow said to Milkman SANTA angrily :

"Ab bas bhi karo.....

Ghar mein biwi nahi hai ka..??"

Santa Banta joke-Real love

Santa: Real love is when two people are so close that they see the world together in one direction.

Banta: Do you mean Doggy style?

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Chicken

Santa roti ka ek tukda khud kha raha tha aur ek tukda paas baithi murgi ko khila raha tha.

Banta: Oye, yeh kya kar raha hai?

Santa: Chicken ke saath roti kha raha hoon.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Common

Santa : Mandir ke baahar chappal rakhne mein aur missed call dene mein kya common hai ?

Banta : Tu hi bata de.

Santa : Dono mein darr lagta hai koi utha na le.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Naughty lessons

Santa : Yaar, Exam hall ek aisi jagah hai jahan tu ladkiyon ko kuch bhi keh de, unko bura nahi lagega.

Banta: Accha...aisa kya keh sakte hain?

Santa: Main kuch examples batata hoon, jaise

# Kuch to dikha de yaar, chal figure hi dikha de

# Haath hata, kuch dikh nai raha hai.

# Thoda sa reh gaya niche ka, bas 10 min aur karne de

# Dede yaar, warna main to mar jaoonga

# Ek baar aur khol de, main fatafat kar lunga iss baar

Santa's break-up gift

Santa wanted a break up, so he bought a gift for his girlfriend.

His girlfriend opens the gift and there's a rocket inside.

Girlfriend: What the hell would I do with this rocket?

Santa: You wanted the stars, right? Now sit on this rocket and get lost!!

Short Santa jokes-LOL

Santa thought the meaning of "LOL" is Lots of Love.

He sent a text to his girlfriend - You are the only girl in my life..LOL.

Santa ka accident

Doctor says to injured Santa, "Jab car ek aurat chala rahi thi to tumhe sadak se thodi dur chalna chahiye tha."

Santa: Kaisi sadak??? Main to khet main lota leke baitha tha.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Ek kiss

Santa: Ek-Kiss ke baad kya aata hai?

Banta: Mujhe bataate sharam aati hai.

Santa: Sharma mat! Ek-Kiss (21) ke baad Baa-iss (22) aata hai!

Santa insulting Banta

Santa to his friend Banta: I don't think you are a fool but...what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others!

Santa Banta joke-Gold medal

Santa is reading the newspaper headlines: "Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump".

Santa says to Banta: "That idiot! Who asked him to wear the gold medal while jumping."

Santa's labor job

Santa got a labor job fixing light poles to the ground. After the day’s work the contractor asked him: “How many poles you fixed today?”

Santa: “One.”

Contractor: “Just one? Look at others. They put in six to seven each.”

Santa: “Look at their poles. They have left most of them sticking out.”

Short Santa jokes-Chaand

Santa-Tum to meri Chaand ho..

GF- Aur tum mere Neil Armstrong ho.

Santa-Woh kyon?

GF-Chand pe chadhne waala pehla aadmi.

Short Santa jokes-Kitne aadmi

Santa: Tum ek baar mein kitney aadmi utha sakte ho?

Pehalwan: Kam se kam 8.

Santa: Bass!Tumse accha to hamara murga hai jo subah poore mohalle ko utha deta hai!

Santa Banta sms jokes-Bestseller

Santa: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Banta: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Hint

Santa: Agar tu bata de ki meri tokri mein kya hai, to saare ande tere. Aur agar ye bata de ki kitne hain to 8 ke 8 tere..aur agar ye bhi bata de ki kiske hain to murgi bhi teri.

Banta: Abe yaar, KUCH HINT TO DE..!!

Short Santa jokes-Price of dress

Girl: Iss dress ki kya price hai ?

Dukandar Santa: Rs. 7000.

Girl: Oh my God! Aur wo green wali dress ki kya price hai?

Dukandar Santa: Oh my God + Oh my God!

Santa's short wife

Banta: Arre Santa, tune itni short ladki se kyon shaadi ki?

Santa: Kyonki mere guruji ne kaha tha museebat jitni chhoti ho utna hi accha hai!

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Race

Santa: Chal Banta, scooter ki race lagaate hain. Jo haarega, woh doosre ko Rs. 500/- dega.

Banta: Par mujhe raasta nahi pata.

Santa : Fikr mat kar, bas mere piche-piche rehna.

Banta : Thank you, yaar.

Santa's fb status

Santa's fb status : I'm Online on Fb during Lecture hahaha...!!

Comment from his professor:
"Get out of the Class now"

Principal Liked comment! ;)

Friend commented:
"Jaldi aa yaar, cafe mein item hai" :D

Gate keeper's comment:
"Saab pehle idhar aa ke apni bike Lock kardein" :p

Mom commented:
"Nalayak class nahi karni toh sabzi le ke seedha ghar wapis aa.."

Dad commented:
Dekhlo apne bete ki harkatain..:/

GF commented:
I Hate U! Mjhse kaha tha Dadi ka acdnt ho gya wo hospital mein hai, Mil nahi sakta.:D

Dadi commented:
Manhoos..tu ghar aa batati hu tujhe nalayak.:D

Santa Banta sms jokes-Choices

Santa :Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.

Banta :And never be proud of your choices. Your wife is one of them.

Interview at the Embassy

Consultant: “What is your name?”

Santa: “Santa Singh, Sir”

Consultant: “Sex?”

Santa: “Twelve to fourteen times a Week”

Consultant: “No no, I mean male or female?”

Santa: “Both, male and female and sometimes even shemale”

Consultant: “Holy Cow”

Santa: “Yes, cows And dogs too”

Consultant: “Man, isn't it hostile?”

Santa: “Horse style, dog style, any style.”

Consultant: “Ohhh dear!”

Santa: “Deer? No sir, they run too fast!"

Sardar gets fleeced

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has clock tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says “Yes”.

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder”.

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day, the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock,

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder.”

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says, “I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I’ll go get a ladder.”

Short Santa jokes-Breakfast time

It is Breakfast time at Santa's residence.

Santa's wife calls out to the domestic help: Hari, Santa sahab ke ande ubaal dena ..

The domestic help asks: Memsaab, apka bhi doodh garam kru?

Santa's wife: Abhi nahi...Santa sahab Sahab ko office jaane do...

Santa's compliment

Santa to GF: I like your teeth a lot.

GF blushes & says : Oh really, why is that?

Santa: Because my favorite color is yellow.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Obama

Santa: Mere mein aur Obama mein kya antar hai?

Banta: Kya?

Santa: Simple- main uske ghar nahin jaata, aur woh mere ghar nahin aata!