Monday, December 31, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Tough question

Santa was on the hot seat on ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ and had reached up to fifty lakhs against his own expectations. He was at a stage where if he didn’t reply correctly, he would come down to mere five lakhs and he had only one life line left-PHONE-A-FRIEND. The question was tough:

“Name the bird that lays its eggs in the nest of other birds, not its own?”

Options are: a) sparrow b) crow c)cuckoo d)eagle.

Santa didn’t know the answer. He had only one option: phone-a-friend. So he called his friend Banta. Banta listened to Santa and instantly replied: “Its cuckoo. Go ahead don’t give it a second thought.”

Santa was impressed with Banta’s confidence but still doubtful, he said: “c) cuckoo.”

The hall erupted. The answer was right. Santa had won the coveted amount. Later, still surprised, he asked Banta: “How is it that you had the correct answer so quick?”

Banta: “You are a fool. Haven’t you seen cuckoo clocks? That's where they live.”

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Driver and Conductor

Santa: Bus Conductor aur Driver mein kya farak hai?

Banta: Bus Conductor so jaye toh kisis ka Ticket nahi katega.....lekin agar Bus Driver so gaya toh sabka Ticket kat jayega.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Sardar jokes-Manmohan Singh

Manmohan Singh: Main bilkul nirdosh hun.. Main corrupt nahi hoon...

Sunny Leonne: Waise toh phir main bhi Virgin hoon...

Friday, December 28, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Greece

Santa ki biwi summer vacations ki planning karte hue boli, "Kya kehte ho, iss baar second honeymoon ke liye Greece try karen?”

Santa: “Kyon? Sarson ke tel mein kya buraai hai?"

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Santa in History class

History teacher: Who was Chandra Gupta Maurya?

Santa: I think I know the answer, sir...was he the son of Ganapati Bappa Morya?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Santa's Math problem

A hockey coach wanted Santa in his team for inter school final but the school would not permit Santa to play as he had failed in math. The coach was desperate so the principal said: “OK coach, I will come to the field with you and ask Santa a simple math question in front you all and if his answer is correct, you can have him in your team.”

Off they went on the field where the players were practicing. The principal explained the situation and asked: “ Well Santa, what is four plus four?”

Santa: “I think it is eight?”

The coach was excited at the right answer and exclaimed: “Did you say eight?”

All the players shouted in chorus: “Please sir, please give him one more chance. He deserves it.”

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Maa keh de

Suhag-raat ko Santa biwi se bola: Tum itni sundar ho, mere paas shabd nahi hain.

Bahar khara Banta apne ladke se bola: Beta, ek baar use Maa keh de, baaki sab main dekh loonga.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Medecine bottle

When Santa went to Banta’s house on casual visit, he found Banta staring at a bottle of medicine without moving. When Santa asked Banta what he was doing, Banta merely motioned him to be silent and pointed at the medicine bottle.

Santa bent down and had a closer look. Printed on the bottle was: “CONCENTRATE.”

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Mad Santa

Santa Singh once returned home earlier than usual and found a strange man in his bed with his wife. Santa Singh lost his head, drew his gun from the drawer and put the nozzle of the gun on his own temple.

Santa’s wife begged: “Please Santa, for god’s sake, don’t kill yourself. I beg of you.’

Santa shouted back: “Just keep quite. You will be the next.”


Saturday, December 22, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

Santa was getting lessons on mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The professor says : If girl falls unconscious, give her lip-lock to blow air in her lungs and keep on pressing her chest with both your hands. Any Questions?

Santa: How to make her unconscious.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Patla doodh

Lady to Santa doodh-waala: Bhai Aaj kal doodh bohat patla aa raha hai.

Santa: Bhen ji, Mujhe kya bata rahi ho, kisi doctor ko dikhao.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Santa's son

Santa's Son: Are ghosts for real?

Santa: Of course not.

Santa's Son: But the maid said they are.

Santa: Son, pack your bags! We don't have a maid!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Santa in class

Teacher: 'He' does not like girls. What is 'He' in this sentence?

Santa: Gay.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Santa's interview

Santa Se Kisi Interview Pe 4 questions Puche Gaye:

Question: Bataye Ki Aapki Strength, Weakness, Opportunity & Threat Kya Hai

Santa Ne Bada Soch Samajh Ke Jawab Diya


Strength – My Wife, Preeto.

Weakness – Bantas Wife, Jeeto.

Opportunity – When Banta Is On Tour.

Threat – When I Am On Tour.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Underwear salesman

Santa Ladies Garments Shop mein Salesman ki naukri karta tha.

Ek din ek larki aayi aur boli: Underwear dikhao.

Santa sharmate huye bola: Aaj nahi pehna!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Miserly

Throughout his life, Santa was known for his miserly behavior. Now he was on his death bed. The doctor had declared that his moment had come and let him go home.

While resting on his bed, Santa whispered: “Where is my dear wife?” Mrs. Santa came near the bed, held his hand and said: “I am right here.”
Santa rested for a few moments and made another effort: “Where are my beloved children?”

The children came around and sat near his feet.

Another effort after a while: “Where is my dearest and only friend Banta?” Banta came near, sat near Santa’s head, tried to comfort him then said: “You want to say something?”

Santa nodded, made a final desperate effort: “When all of you are here, why the hell are the drawing room lights on?” and died.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Santa aur Jyotish

Santa Ek Jyotish Ke Paas Kundli Dikhane Gaya.

Jyotish: Tera Naam Santa Singh Hai?

Santa: Ji Maharaj

Jyotish: Tujhe Do Ladki & Ek Ladka Hai?

Santa: ji Maharaj

Jyotish: Tune Abhi 10 Kilo Chawal Kharide Hai?

Santa: Haan, Oye Aap To Antaryami Ho

Jyotish: Bete Agli Baar Aana, To Kundli Lana Ration Card Nahi

Friday, December 14, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Beauty parlour

Santa's girlfriend: Main abhi-abhi beauty parlour se aa rahi hoon...

Santa: Kya baat hai! Aaj bhi band tha kya??

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Santa insulting Banta

Santa is in an insulting mood.

Santa: There is a good news for you.

Banta: What?

Santa: You are going to the United States.

Banta: I am? How?

Santa : Some American scientist will take you there.

Banta: Why?

Santa: That's because they want to test how can you live without a brain.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Future tense

Santa: 'I killed a person' - convert this sentence into future tense.

Banta: The future tense is 'U will go to jail'.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Weather forecast

Santa was walking with only one hand in a glove.

Banta asked him why he was wearing only one glove.

Santa replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Short Santa jokes-First kiss

Santa to GF: Is this your first kiss?

GF (getting angry) : Of course!! Yesterday, Banta was also asking the same question!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Obey

Santa to wife : You will never be able to make the dog obey you.

Santa's wife : It's just a matter of patience...do you remember how much trouble I had with you earlier?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Name to blame

Judge to Santa : Did you molest this English girl?

Santa: Judge saab, aap iska naam poochige to aap bhi isko molest kar doge!

Judge to victim: What is your name, lady?

Victim: Merry Marlow.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Santa pareshan!

Santa : Main yeh roz roz condom chadaane-utaarne ke jhanjat se pareshan ho gaya hoon.

Santa's wife: Aap lamination kyon nahi karwa lete?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Toofani

Santa : Arre yaar, Thums Up walon ne pareshan kar ke rakha hai.

Banta: Kyon?

Santa: Meri biwi roz raat ko mujhe Thums Up pilati hai aur kehti hai "Chalo aaj kuch toofani karte hain"!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Ghabrahat

Santa ki shaag raat thi...

Santa's wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.

Santa: Hamaari pehli raat hai, isliye?

Santa's wife: Arre nahi, RAAT ko pehli baar kar rahi hoon!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Two legs

Santa : Tell me, which mouse walks on two legs?

Banta : No idea

Santa : It's Mickey Mouse...now tell me, which duck walks on two legs?

Banta: Donald duck

Santa: Wrong you moron.... all ducks walk on two legs!!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Wanted

Santa aur Banta deewar par poster dekhne hain "2 Biharis WANTED for rape"

Santa Banta se kehta hai: Yaar, sabse acchi jobs to in Biharion ko milti hain!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Badi zameen

Santa : Mere khet itne bade hain, ki agar main subah se apni car mein chaloon toh sham tak apni aadhi zameen bhi nahi dekh paoonga.

Banta : Mere paas bhi pehle aisi hi khatara car thi...maine bech di!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Angry

What happens when Santa gets Angry ?

We have - an Angry Sird !!!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Ek zamaana

Santa to his son: Ek zamaana tha jab main Rs. 10/- mein kirana, sabzi, doodh, nashta le aata tha.

Santa's son Banta: Ab aisa possible nahi papa kyunki sab jagah CCTV camera lage hote hain.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Yawn

Santa's wife, Preeto was talking to her friend, Babli.

She said, "You know my husband has become so horny that I cannot even yawn in front of him!"

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Girlfriend's name on hand

Santa, in order to impress his girlfriend, took a knife and carved her name on his hand.

After a while, he started crying loudly.

His girlfriend asked sympathetically, "Is it paining too much?"

Santa replied, "No....Spelling mistake!!"

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Santa's taunt

Santa apni wife ko kehta hai, "Darling, tum khoobsoorat hoti jaa rahi ho."

Wife kitchen se boli, "Tumne kaise jaana?"

Santa ne kaha, "Tumhe dekhkar rotiyaan bhi jalne lagi hain."

Monday, November 26, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Vacation planning

Santa: “Banta, this year too I am going on vacation. But please don’t bother to advice me where to go as you have been doing for the past three years. This year I am doing something different.”

Banta: “Why? What’s wrong with my suggestions?”

Santa: “Three years back you suggested I go to Nainital and my wife got pregnant. Two years back you suggested Darjeeling and my wife got pregnant again. Last year you said Agra and damn if she didn’t get pregnant again.”

Banta: “OK, fine, I won’t suggest anything. But tell me, what is it that you are going to do that is different?”

Santa: “This time I am taking my wife with me.”

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Doctor ki dawa

Santa bimaar tha. Uski Biwi use Doctor ke paas le ke gayee.

Doctor: Aapke husband ko aaram aur shanti ki zaroorat hai. Yeh kuch neend ki dawaiyaan hain.

Santa ki Biwi: Doctor saab, yeh dawaiyyan inko kab doon?

Doctor: Yeh aapke liya hain!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Santa ki naraaz biwi

Santa party se ghar late aaya.

Biwi: Tumhe kaisa lagega agar mujhe do dino tak nahee dekhoge?

Santa: Arre wah! Mazaa aa jayega!

Somwaar aaya....Santa ne biwi ko nahi dekha

Mangalwaar aaya....Santa ne biwi ko nahi dekha

Budhwaar bhi nikal gaya

Guruwaar ko jab aakh ki soojan kam hui....tab jaake Santa ne ek aankh ke kone se apni biwi ko dekha.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Lift mein Notice

Santa aur Banta Lift company mein kaam karte the.

Ek lift par Santa ne Notice layaga:
"Ladies ka khas khayal rakheN"

Aur us ke neeche Banta ne Notice lagaya:
"Ek baar me 6 se zyada Aadmi na chade"...

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Pati

Santa ki biwi sapne mein chillati hai, "Arre jadi bhago! Mera pati aa gaya hai!"

Santa jaldi se uthkar khidi se bahar chalang lagata hai. Chot khane ke baad use khayaal aata hai, "Arre, pati to main hi hoon!"

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Bharatiya sanskaar

Santa : Bhartiya patni bahaut sanskaron waali hoti hai

Banta : Achha? Kaise

Santa : Woh sabke samne apne pati ko "Abey Gadhe" nahi kehti, isliye short mein " A.G. "sunte ho kehti hai...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Wrong English

A cop stopped Santa who was riding on his scooter at midnight.

Santa was completely drunk, so the cop asked him, "How high are you?".

Santa laughed and said, "This is wrong English. It should be 'Hi, How Are You'?"

Monday, November 19, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Strawberry cream

Santa: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my butt."

Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Santa's wedding night

Santa paying on wedding night.

Santa : Hey bhagwaan, mujhe taaqat and tajurba de.

Santa's wife: Sirf taaqat maangiye, bhagwaan ki daya se tajurba to yahaan bahut hai.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Santa gets slapped

Santa went to Cafe Coffee Day and saw a pretty girl. He went up to her and said, "I love you!"

The Girl slapped him hard shouted, "What did you just say???"

Santa: "When you did not hear it, why the hell did you slap me so hard?"

Friday, November 16, 2012

Santa's accident

Nurse asks patient with bleeding head:
Your name?
Patient: Santa Singh
Nurse: Date of Birth?
Santa: 21st July
Nurse: Married?
Santa: No, Car Accident!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Zindagi ki sacchai

Santa explaining truth of Life to Banta:

Sab kehte hai akele aaye the, akele jayenge
Par sach to yeh hai ki
do logon ke bagair koi aata nahi,
aur
chaar logok ke bagair koi jata nahi

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Sting

Foreigner to Santa : In India, how do you call your wive HONEY in your native language?"

Santa : My friend, we call them Bee-Bee, they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Aatma se pyaar

Train ke compartment mein baith kar, Santa apni girlfriend ko oonchi oonchi phek raha thaa.

Santa: Jaaneman, main tumhaari aatma se pyaar karta hoon, mujhe tumhari jism ki koi chah nahin hai. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhare shareer ko toh main kutton ko daal doon.

Banta sitting on upper berth barks "BOW BOW"!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Maths

Teacher: What is the full form of Maths?

Santa: Mentally affected teachers harassing students!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Acche nagrik

Santa: Batao kaunsi cast ke log desh ke acche nagrik hote hain?

Banta: Baniye

Santa: Woh kaise?

Banta: Tumhe har jagah likha milega"Desh ke acche nagrik baniye".

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Santa Banta shaayari

Santa: Arz kiya hai...
Aankhon mein nami thi, aur vitamin ki kami thi...

Banta: Wah wah

Santa : Aankhon mein nami thi aur vitamin ki kami thi...
Jisse raat bhar chat kiya, woh girlfriend ki mummy thi.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Kutta

Santa : Tera ye kutta to sher jaisa dikhta hai, isko kya khilata hai?

Banta : Yeh saala sher hi hai, iski shadi ke baad shakal kutte jaisi ho gayi hai.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Santa flirting

Santa was flirting with neighborhood girl. He asks, "Tumara naam kya hey?"

Girl says, "Mujhe sab DIDI bulate hain."

Santa says, "Arre kamaal hai...what coincidence...mujhe sab jeejaji bulate hain!"

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Thailand

Santa ki wife Jeeto ne holiday ki planning karte hue kaha, "Tum mujhe apne sath Thailand kyon nahi le jaate?"

Santa ne jawab diya, "Kua kisi ko restaurant mein tiffin le jaate suna hai?"

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Handle with care

Santa ne ek ladki ki t-shirt pe padha : “Handle with Care”

Phir kya tha, usne apni jeans ke aage chhapwa liya: “Candle with Hair“

Monday, November 5, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Status update

Santa ki biwi mar gayi. Uska kriya-karam kuch ganton mein hona tha.

Santa ka dost Banta uska dukh baantne aaya aur use shaant karke bola, "Mian tere liye kuch kar sakta hoon?"

Santa bola, "Haan, mujhe laptop la de."

Banta bola, "Sab khairiyat to hai."

Santa: "Arre, facebook pe status single karna hai."

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Santa ki mummy

Santa ki mummy: Bees saal tak meri koi aulad nahi hui.

Nayee padosan: Fir aapne kya kiya?

Santa ki mumm: Fir kya, main Saal ki hui to mere daddy ne meri shadi karwa di...tab ja ke Santa paida hua.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Naughty Santa and Banta

Santa ne Banta se poocha: Bata, tujhe bra-panty kaisi achhi laghti hai - black ya white?

Banta se jawaad diya : Utri hui.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Photographer Santa

Santa ka photography ka studio tha. Ek din Santa chhote bache se kehta hai: "Meri taraf dekho beta, iss camera se kabutar niklega."

Bacha: "Focus adjust kar... ganwaron wali baat mat kar, Portrait Mode use karna Macro ke saath, High Resolution may pic aani chahiye, facebook pe upload karoonga.. warna paise nahi milenge... SAALA "kabutar nikalegaa"

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Rate

Santa har hafte red-light area pe jaata tha aur bhav pata kar ke aata tha.

Banta: Jab tu kuch karta hi nahi to roz rate kyon poochta hai?

Santa: Arre, main pata karta hoon ke kaamwali bai kahin mehengi to nahi par rahi hai?

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Urdu word

Santa : Tell me what is the Urdu word for a topless woman revealing her breasts?

Banta : No idea

Santa: It's KHUL-E-AAM!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hilarious Sardar jokes

4 sardaron ne mil ke petrol pump khola.
Ek bhi customer nahi aaya ..
Kyon..?
Petrol pump was on 1st floor..

Phir charon ne usi floor par restuarant khola.
Ek bhi customer nahi..
Kyon..?
Petrol pump ka board nahi hataya..

Phir charon ne ek taxi li.
Ek bhi sawari nahi.
Kyon..?
2 sardar aage and 2 piche baith ke sawari dhund rahe the..

Taxi kharab ho gayi.
Charon ne khub dhakka lagaya, par taxi wahin ki wahin.
Kyon..?
2 aage se and 2 piche se dhakka de rahe the..

Phir charon ne ek bachhe ko kidnap kiya.
Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne baap se 5 lac rupees le ke aa warna tujhe maar denge.
Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de bhi diye.
Kyon.?
Bachhe ka baap bhi sardar tha..

Monday, October 29, 2012

Jail aur Qaidi

Santa Singh got married. On his honeymoon night, he went inside the room and sat next to his wife Preeto. As he started making his move, Preeto got nervous.

Santa: Jaanu, tussi itna kyun ghabra rahi ho?

Preeto: Mujhe sex ke baarey mein kucch bhi nahin pata, ji!

Santa: Arey, toh ismey sharmaaney ki kya baat hai...(He points at his dick) Isko kehte hain 'Qaidi'....(Then he points at her private part) and says, 'Isko kehte hain Jail. Jab Qaidi jail mein jaata hai, toh usey sex kehtey hain.

Preeto: Itna aasan! Toh phir chaalu karein?

They have passionate sex and Santa relaxes......

Preeto nudges him again and says: Suno ji, Jail khuli hai aur Qaidi baahar hai.....

Santa gets on her again and they make out......

After 10 minutes, Preeto nudges him again and says: Jail khuli hai..... Qaidi ko daalo na.....

santa thodi himmat jutaata hai and makes love to her again. As he lies exhausted, Preeto says: Jail khali padi hai...... Qaidi ko jaldi bhejo na!'

Santa: Oye saali, Qaidi ko koi 'Umar Qaid' ki sazaa thodi mili hai!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Office

Santa : Tum iss office mein kab se kaam kar rahe ho?

Banta: Jab se Boss ne mujhe naukri se nikaal dene ki dhamki di hai.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Jewellery for girlfriend

Santa went to a jewellery shop to buy a locket for his girlfriend. After checking several pieces, he selected a costly one. Impressed, the salesman asked if he wanted to have his girlfriend’s name engraved on the locket.

Santa was thoughtful for a while: “I don't think that's a good idea. For one, I have not yet decided which girlfriend to give it to. For another, I can always give it to the next one if the previous one is not worthy of it.”

Friday, October 26, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Niyat

Santa ki shadi par doston ne mazaak me Dulhan ki jaga ek Larkay ko bitha diya.

Santa ne Ghunghat uthaya to hhush ho gaya aur bola, "Insaan ki niyat saaf ho to kya nahi milta!"

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Shooting wife

Judge : Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?

Santa : Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Worse than divorce

Santa incurred heavy losses in the share market.

He was heard complaining to his friend Banta, "This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife."

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Chot

Santa: Tumne yeh pattian kyon baandh rakhi hain?

Banta: Kal ek aadmi meri gaddi se takra gaya tha.

Santa: Chot to us aadmi ko aaye hogi, phir pattian tumne kyon baandh rakhi hain?

Banta: Arre kuch nahi, woh market mein usi bande se achanak mulakat ho gayee.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi

Producer Santa: “Maine Mallika Sherawat ko Draupadi ka role diya hai.”

Actor Banta: “Wo to thik hai. Lekin phir main khichunga kya?”

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Santa's flight to Delhi

Santa boarded a plane for Delhi from Mumbai. Though he had a window seat, he wanted the aisle seat. He pestered the air hostess demanding an aisle seat. She tried to reason with him saying that no other passenger with an aisle seat was prepared to exchange his/her seat, but Santa would not listen.

Finally, the captain came and whispered something in Santa's ears and Santa quietly settled in his window seat.

Surprised and relieved, the air hostess asked the captain what he had whispered in Santa’s ears.

The captain said;"Simple, I just told him that only the window seat will go to Delhi. Aisle seats will go to Ambala.”

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Khud khushi ka darr

Santa Rali ki patriyon ke side par leta hua tha.

Banta: Kya kar raha hai?

Santa: Khud khushi

Banta: Arre, to phot beech mein late naa

Saata : Darr lagta hai, bhai.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Santa Banta joke-No tears

Santa : My wife passed away last night...I am trying hard to cry but the tears are not coming out.
What should I do?

Banta : That's easy. Just imagine she is coming back.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Dried ink

Santa received a blank SMS from Banta.

He called Banta and said, "Banta, maybe you haven't realized it, but the ink in your mobile phone has dried up."

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Hot or cold?

One day Santa visited Banta’s house.

The host Banta asked: “What will you like to drink, something hot or cold?

Santa: “Both.”

Banta to his servant: “Lalu, bring one glass of water from the fridge and one from the geyser.”

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Santa on death bed

Santa was on his death bed. The doctor told his wife that the time had come for him and there was nothing he could do anymore. He suggested she better take him home and let him die in the comfort of his own surroundings and that he would hardly last the night.

Once home and in bed, he sniffed the air and muttered weakly: “Oh, mutton Tikka, mutton Tikka.”

Unable to contain himself he rolled over and fell from the bed. Somehow he managed to drag himself to the kitchen and saw piles of his favorite food on the table. Gathering all his strength he crawled to the table and extended his hand for the last bite of his favorite item. His wife saw what was happening, ran to him and smacked his hand: “This is to be served to the guests after your funeral.”

Monday, October 15, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Duniya ke kone tak

Santa to wife: Darling, main tumhaare liye duniya ke kone tak jaa sakta hoon.

Santa's Wife: Pehle promise karo ke aap baaki ki zindagi wahin par guzarehge.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Garbage van

Santa's wife was running after a Garbage van & shouted: Am I too late for the garbage?

Santa who was running behind her said, "Not yet. Jump in fast!"

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Santa's result

Santa's Father: Tumhare Result ka kya hua ?
Santa: Principal ka beta fail ho gaya,

Santa's Father: Aur tum?
Santa: Woh Doctor ka beta bhi fail ho gaya,

Santa's Father: Aur tumhara result kaisa aaya?
Santa: Woh Lawyer Ka beta bhi fail ho gya,

Santa's Father: Gadhe, main tera puch raha hoon.
Santa: To aap kaunse Albert Eienstein ho.......aapka beta bhi fail ho gaya!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Santa and Salesman

One day Santa Singh was having drinks in a bar, when a man joined him at his table. Both started talking and the man bragged: “I am a salesman selling Mixers and grinders in this area.” He particularly mentioned the name of the building Santa was staying in and added: “I have laid every woman in that building except one. She is hard to get.”

Later over dinner, Santa mentioned the salesman to his wife. His wife immediately retorted: “I know, I know, it must be that arrogant b*tch on the second floor.”

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Machli

Santa aur Banta talaab mein machli pakadne gaye. Unko sirf ek machli mili.

Ghar lautne par Santa ne trip ka kharcha nikala aur bola, "Arre Banta, yeh machli hame ek hazaar rupaye ki padi!"

Banta: “Bhagwaan ka shukar hai hamne aur zyada machli nahi pakdi!.”

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Santa's identification parade

Four men were arrested and convicted for raping a woman. One of the accused was Santa.

The accused were taken to prison for an identification parade and were asked to line up.

After a while the victim entered the room with a senior inspector. Before she could say anything, Santa shouted ‘That’s her. I identify her.”

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Airport

Banta has demanded that the second airport in Mumbai be named BANTA CRUZ as Santa already has SANTA CRUZ.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Santa's calculations

Santa Singh was once invited to a seminar on ‘How to explore solar energy for the benefit of mankind.’ The speaker was a world renowned scientist on solar energy. While the scientist was trying to explain the finer points of the subject along with its installation cost against financial benefits and savings that can be made, Santa Singh was busy fiddling with his calculator. Irritated, the speaker asked Santa Sigh to be more attentive.

Santa Singh said: “Honorable sir, I am attentive, indeed I am, in fact more so than others here. But I have been doing some calculations here and I guess the project is not viable. At Rs. three per foot for cables, we will spend something like Rs. 270,270,270000000 to cover that distance of more than ninety lakh miles to the sun. On top of that there are taxes and VAT to consider.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Expensive dream

Wife: Last night, i saw in my dreams that we were at the jewelers and you were buying me lots of jewellery!

Santa: Yeah, I had a dream too. In my dream, I saw your dad paying the bill!

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Santa's house

There was this Sardar, Santa Singh who lived in Noida, just outside the periphery of Delhi. But Santa Singh always thought he was in Delhi. Geographically Noida was in U.P. but for all practical purposes it was in Delhi. After staying in Noida for quarter of a century, Santa Singh decided that enough was enough and contacted an estate agent to sell his house. The estate agent came to discuss the issue with Santa Singh, saw the house, completed other formalities and assured that there would be no problem selling the house and also the house would fetch a good price. The agent said: “You know Mr. Singh, when you contacted me on phone I thought the property was in Delhi, but it came out to be in U.P.”

Santa Singh: “Is it? In that case I don’t want to sell it anymore. Oh my god, I was trying to get away from the extreme climate of Delhi. It doesn’t suit me. Now that I am in U.P., well, I don’t need to sell.”

Friday, October 5, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Tyres

Santa: You know, husband and wife are like 2 tyres of a scooter. If one tyre gets a puncture, the scooter can't move ahead.

Banta: Always keep a spare tyre!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Searching for coin

Santa Singh inadvertently dropped a one rupee coin in his garden. It was an accident but undaunted, he dropped three four more coins deliberately. His neighbor Banta Singh saw this from his own garden and asked what that was supposed to mean.

Santa Singh: “Simple, I am not going to go down on my knees to find a mere one rupee coin.”

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Telephone directory

Santa Singh was once going through a telephone book. He read Patel……Patel……Patel……Patel……and murmured: “It’s real amazing…….this Patel fellow has so many phones.”

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Binoculars

Santa Singh bought Binoculars and showed it to Banta. Banta asked why Santa needed binoculars of all things.

Santa: “I have to go to a funeral of a distant relative.”