Santa Banta sms jokes-Urdu word

Santa : Tell me what is the Urdu word for a topless woman revealing her breasts?

Banta : No idea

Santa: It's KHUL-E-AAM!!!

Hilarious Sardar jokes

4 sardaron ne mil ke petrol pump khola.
Ek bhi customer nahi aaya ..
Kyon..?
Petrol pump was on 1st floor..

Phir charon ne usi floor par restuarant khola.
Ek bhi customer nahi..
Kyon..?
Petrol pump ka board nahi hataya..

Phir charon ne ek taxi li.
Ek bhi sawari nahi.
Kyon..?
2 sardar aage and 2 piche baith ke sawari dhund rahe the..

Taxi kharab ho gayi.
Charon ne khub dhakka lagaya, par taxi wahin ki wahin.
Kyon..?
2 aage se and 2 piche se dhakka de rahe the..

Phir charon ne ek bachhe ko kidnap kiya.
Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne baap se 5 lac rupees le ke aa warna tujhe maar denge.
Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de bhi diye.
Kyon.?
Bachhe ka baap bhi sardar tha..

Jail aur Qaidi

Santa Singh got married. On his honeymoon night, he went inside the room and sat next to his wife Preeto. As he started making his move, Preeto got nervous.

Santa: Jaanu, tussi itna kyun ghabra rahi ho?

Preeto: Mujhe sex ke baarey mein kucch bhi nahin pata, ji!

Santa: Arey, toh ismey sharmaaney ki kya baat hai...(He points at his dick) Isko kehte hain 'Qaidi'....(Then he points at her private part) and says, 'Isko kehte hain Jail. Jab Qaidi jail mein jaata hai, toh usey sex kehtey hain.

Preeto: Itna aasan! Toh phir chaalu karein?

They have passionate sex and Santa relaxes......

Preeto nudges him again and says: Suno ji, Jail khuli hai aur Qaidi baahar hai.....

Santa gets on her again and they make out......

After 10 minutes, Preeto nudges him again and says: Jail khuli hai..... Qaidi ko daalo na.....

santa thodi himmat jutaata hai and makes love to her again. As he lies exhausted, Preeto says: Jail khali padi hai...... Qaidi ko jaldi bhejo na!'

Santa: Oye saali, Qaidi ko koi 'Umar Qaid' ki sazaa thodi mili hai!

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Office

Santa : Tum iss office mein kab se kaam kar rahe ho?

Banta: Jab se Boss ne mujhe naukri se nikaal dene ki dhamki di hai.

Jewellery for girlfriend

Santa went to a jewellery shop to buy a locket for his girlfriend. After checking several pieces, he selected a costly one. Impressed, the salesman asked if he wanted to have his girlfriend’s name engraved on the locket.

Santa was thoughtful for a while: “I don't think that's a good idea. For one, I have not yet decided which girlfriend to give it to. For another, I can always give it to the next one if the previous one is not worthy of it.”

Short Santa jokes-Niyat

Santa ki shadi par doston ne mazaak me Dulhan ki jaga ek Larkay ko bitha diya.

Santa ne Ghunghat uthaya to hhush ho gaya aur bola, "Insaan ki niyat saaf ho to kya nahi milta!"

Short Santa jokes-Shooting wife

Judge : Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?

Santa : Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Short Santa jokes-Worse than divorce

Santa incurred heavy losses in the share market.

He was heard complaining to his friend Banta, "This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife."

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Chot

Santa: Tumne yeh pattian kyon baandh rakhi hain?

Banta: Kal ek aadmi meri gaddi se takra gaya tha.

Santa: Chot to us aadmi ko aaye hogi, phir pattian tumne kyon baandh rakhi hain?

Banta: Arre kuch nahi, woh market mein usi bande se achanak mulakat ho gayee.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi

Producer Santa: “Maine Mallika Sherawat ko Draupadi ka role diya hai.”

Actor Banta: “Wo to thik hai. Lekin phir main khichunga kya?”

Santa's flight to Delhi

Santa boarded a plane for Delhi from Mumbai. Though he had a window seat, he wanted the aisle seat. He pestered the air hostess demanding an aisle seat. She tried to reason with him saying that no other passenger with an aisle seat was prepared to exchange his/her seat, but Santa would not listen.

Finally, the captain came and whispered something in Santa's ears and Santa quietly settled in his window seat.

Surprised and relieved, the air hostess asked the captain what he had whispered in Santa’s ears.

The captain said;"Simple, I just told him that only the window seat will go to Delhi. Aisle seats will go to Ambala.”

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Khud khushi ka darr

Santa Rali ki patriyon ke side par leta hua tha.

Banta: Kya kar raha hai?

Santa: Khud khushi

Banta: Arre, to phot beech mein late naa

Saata : Darr lagta hai, bhai.

Santa Banta joke-No tears

Santa : My wife passed away last night...I am trying hard to cry but the tears are not coming out.
What should I do?

Banta : That's easy. Just imagine she is coming back.

Santa Banta sms jokes-Dried ink

Santa received a blank SMS from Banta.

He called Banta and said, "Banta, maybe you haven't realized it, but the ink in your mobile phone has dried up."

Santa Banta joke-Hot or cold?

One day Santa visited Banta’s house.

The host Banta asked: “What will you like to drink, something hot or cold?

Santa: “Both.”

Banta to his servant: “Lalu, bring one glass of water from the fridge and one from the geyser.”

Santa on death bed

Santa was on his death bed. The doctor told his wife that the time had come for him and there was nothing he could do anymore. He suggested she better take him home and let him die in the comfort of his own surroundings and that he would hardly last the night.

Once home and in bed, he sniffed the air and muttered weakly: “Oh, mutton Tikka, mutton Tikka.”

Unable to contain himself he rolled over and fell from the bed. Somehow he managed to drag himself to the kitchen and saw piles of his favorite food on the table. Gathering all his strength he crawled to the table and extended his hand for the last bite of his favorite item. His wife saw what was happening, ran to him and smacked his hand: “This is to be served to the guests after your funeral.”

Short Santa jokes-Duniya ke kone tak

Santa to wife: Darling, main tumhaare liye duniya ke kone tak jaa sakta hoon.

Santa's Wife: Pehle promise karo ke aap baaki ki zindagi wahin par guzarehge.

Short Santa jokes-Garbage van

Santa's wife was running after a Garbage van & shouted: Am I too late for the garbage?

Santa who was running behind her said, "Not yet. Jump in fast!"

Santa's result

Santa's Father: Tumhare Result ka kya hua ?
Santa: Principal ka beta fail ho gaya,

Santa's Father: Aur tum?
Santa: Woh Doctor ka beta bhi fail ho gaya,

Santa's Father: Aur tumhara result kaisa aaya?
Santa: Woh Lawyer Ka beta bhi fail ho gya,

Santa's Father: Gadhe, main tera puch raha hoon.
Santa: To aap kaunse Albert Eienstein ho.......aapka beta bhi fail ho gaya!

Santa and Salesman

One day Santa Singh was having drinks in a bar, when a man joined him at his table. Both started talking and the man bragged: “I am a salesman selling Mixers and grinders in this area.” He particularly mentioned the name of the building Santa was staying in and added: “I have laid every woman in that building except one. She is hard to get.”

Later over dinner, Santa mentioned the salesman to his wife. His wife immediately retorted: “I know, I know, it must be that arrogant b*tch on the second floor.”

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Machli

Santa aur Banta talaab mein machli pakadne gaye. Unko sirf ek machli mili.

Ghar lautne par Santa ne trip ka kharcha nikala aur bola, "Arre Banta, yeh machli hame ek hazaar rupaye ki padi!"

Banta: “Bhagwaan ka shukar hai hamne aur zyada machli nahi pakdi!.”

Santa's identification parade

Four men were arrested and convicted for raping a woman. One of the accused was Santa.

The accused were taken to prison for an identification parade and were asked to line up.

After a while the victim entered the room with a senior inspector. Before she could say anything, Santa shouted ‘That’s her. I identify her.”

Santa Banta sms jokes-Airport

Banta has demanded that the second airport in Mumbai be named BANTA CRUZ as Santa already has SANTA CRUZ.

Santa's calculations

Santa Singh was once invited to a seminar on ‘How to explore solar energy for the benefit of mankind.’ The speaker was a world renowned scientist on solar energy. While the scientist was trying to explain the finer points of the subject along with its installation cost against financial benefits and savings that can be made, Santa Singh was busy fiddling with his calculator. Irritated, the speaker asked Santa Sigh to be more attentive.

Santa Singh said: “Honorable sir, I am attentive, indeed I am, in fact more so than others here. But I have been doing some calculations here and I guess the project is not viable. At Rs. three per foot for cables, we will spend something like Rs. 270,270,270000000 to cover that distance of more than ninety lakh miles to the sun. On top of that there are taxes and VAT to consider.

Short Santa jokes-Expensive dream

Wife: Last night, i saw in my dreams that we were at the jewelers and you were buying me lots of jewellery!

Santa: Yeah, I had a dream too. In my dream, I saw your dad paying the bill!

Santa's house

There was this Sardar, Santa Singh who lived in Noida, just outside the periphery of Delhi. But Santa Singh always thought he was in Delhi. Geographically Noida was in U.P. but for all practical purposes it was in Delhi. After staying in Noida for quarter of a century, Santa Singh decided that enough was enough and contacted an estate agent to sell his house. The estate agent came to discuss the issue with Santa Singh, saw the house, completed other formalities and assured that there would be no problem selling the house and also the house would fetch a good price. The agent said: “You know Mr. Singh, when you contacted me on phone I thought the property was in Delhi, but it came out to be in U.P.”

Santa Singh: “Is it? In that case I don’t want to sell it anymore. Oh my god, I was trying to get away from the extreme climate of Delhi. It doesn’t suit me. Now that I am in U.P., well, I don’t need to sell.”

Santa Banta sms jokes-Tyres

Santa: You know, husband and wife are like 2 tyres of a scooter. If one tyre gets a puncture, the scooter can't move ahead.

Banta: Always keep a spare tyre!

Santa Banta joke-Searching for coin

Santa Singh inadvertently dropped a one rupee coin in his garden. It was an accident but undaunted, he dropped three four more coins deliberately. His neighbor Banta Singh saw this from his own garden and asked what that was supposed to mean.

Santa Singh: “Simple, I am not going to go down on my knees to find a mere one rupee coin.”

Short Santa jokes-Telephone directory

Santa Singh was once going through a telephone book. He read Patel……Patel……Patel……Patel……and murmured: “It’s real amazing…….this Patel fellow has so many phones.”

Santa Banta sms jokes-Binoculars

Santa Singh bought Binoculars and showed it to Banta. Banta asked why Santa needed binoculars of all things.

Santa: “I have to go to a funeral of a distant relative.”

Santa's secretary

Santa's attractive secretary says to him: Sir, will you remove something from my breasts?

Santa: Wow, what??

Secretary: Your eyes, please!