Wisdom

Santa’s wife: “I am going for shopping. I need five thousand rupees.”

Santa: “More than money, you need some wisdom.”

Santa’s wife: “How can I ask for something you don’t have?”

Responsible

Santa’s girlfriend’s father: “I will give my daughter’s hand to a responsible person, are you?”

Santa: “Sure, whenever there is any mishap in our house, everybody holds me responsible.”

No more

Santa Singh was standing in the balcony of his thirteenth floor flat enjoying the breeze and life in general. Out of blue he received a call: “Santa, your wife is no more.”

Shocked and out of his mind with grief Santa jumped from the balcony.

On his way down he realized he was not married.

Only me

Santa’s girlfriend: “Honey, do you really love me? I mean, love only me?”
 
Santa: “Yes darling, I have gone through my entire list.”

Lie detector

A Frenchman, a German and an Indian Sardarji were to be put upon a lie detector to test the machine’s efficiency. 

The Frenchman said, "I assure you I can have half a bottle of neat whisky at a go.” The detector remained silent. 

The German began: "I assure you I can consume a whole bottle of neat whisky in one sitting.” The machine sounded Grrrrrrrr. 

Now it was our Sardarji’s turn:. "I assure…….” Grrrrrrr, off went the detector.

Detective firm

There was a vacancy in a detective firm. Three persons went for the interview, one Bihari, one Bengali and one Sardar. The executive at the detective agency called them one by one and asked them the same question: “Who killed Ravana?”

The Bihari replied without hesitation: “Ram.”

The Bengali took his time as is their want and said: “It was Ram.”

Now it was Sardarji’s turn. After listening to the question Sardarji paused a little and asked for some time to ponder over the issue. The boss was amused but OK’d his request and told him to answer the next day. He went home with a box of sweets in his hands and exited, told his wife: “I am in business. I already got the job and I have been entrusted to solve a murder mystery.”

Simple solution

Santa aur Banta ladkiyaan chhed rahe the.

Do ladkiyon ne pareshaan hoke Santa aur Banta ke haath mein rakhi baandh di and unko kaha : Ab aap kya karoge?

Santa ne Banta se kaha: Banta, tu meri behen se shaadi kar le, main teri behen se karta hoon!

In the bar

Santa to Banta :Yaar meri biwi ne mera mazaak banwa diya.

Banta : Kya hua

Santa : Hum log bar gaye the. Main baathroom gaya to Preeto bar tender ke saamne stool par baith gayi.
Uske left waale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Jack Daniels, single."
Uske right wale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Johnny Walker, single"
To Preeto bol padi, "Preeto Kaur, married!"




 

Saas

Santa was practicing yoga.

Banta asked,"Arre ye kya kar raha hai?"

Santa said, "Yog ka abhyas kar raha hoon. Baba Ramdev ji kehte hain ke fit rehna hai to saas par control karo."

Banta commented, "Arre yaar, yahaan gharwali control nahi hoti, saas pe kya khaak control karenge!"

Prayers answered

Santa: “Banta, look at that notice near the entrance of that temple which says: Do not leave your wife alone inside the temple when it is crowded."

Banta: “I know. You may be tempted to think God has answered your prayer after all.”

Good behavior

Santa: “Banta, I am very happy today. My son is returning tomorrow.”

Banta: “But I understand he was jailed for seven years. I think it is a little over four years now. A few more are left, isn’t it?”

Santa: “You are right. But he is pardoned for his good behavior in the jail for the rest of his term.”

Banta: “How very wonderful. May God bless everyone with such well behaved boys.”

Dukhi GF

Santa ki gf Pinky badi dukhi lag rahi thi.

Santa ne poocha, "Kya hua darling?"

Pinky ne kaha, "Mere Dad ne mere liye ladka pasand kiya hai. Bahut jaldi main kissi aur ki ho jaoongi."

Santa excite ho ke bola, "Wah, iska matlab hum bina condom ke bhi sex kar sakte hain!"

Santa's psychological problem

Santa Singh barges into the psychiatrist's cabin, and seating himself, cries, "Doctor doctor, help me please!! I keep thinking I am a pig!"

The doctor orders, "Get off my couch."

Badle hue

Santa aur uski wife Preeto Shimla ghoomne jaa rahe the. Raaste mein unka accident ho jaata hai aur dono ki death ho jaati hai.

Santa ghost ban jaata hai aur Preeto dayan.

Woh log jab milte hain, to Preeto pyar se bolti hai, "Kitne badle hue lag rahe hain jee aap ghost ban kar."

Santa jawab deta hai, "Par tum bilkul nahi badli!"

Before and After

Santa: “What do people do just before they get married?”

Banta: “They dream of a happy future and laugh excitedly.”

Santa: “And what after marriage?”

Banta: “They reminisce about their happy past and cry.”

Fitter

At one point of time there was a heavy influx of immigrants in the US. So the authorities decided to screen the people coming in and allow only those who were professional in some field or the other. When Santa and Banta decided to migrate to the US, they too were screened. Santa went first and he was asked about his work and skill.

“Fitter” he said.

He was let in.

Banta went next and declared he worked in a ladies undergarment store. The officer at the screening counter rejected Banta’s plea and said that his was not a skilled profession.

Banta angered by this, said “But right before me, you let Santa go through.”

The Officer said, “He is skilled. He is a fitter.”

Banta commented, “Sure he is a fitter. When a lady comes in the store, Santa holds up a bra and says if it will fit the customer or not.”

Drive slow

Santa: “Did you notice Banta, there is not a single sign of ‘drive slow’ near this girls college?”

Banta: “No need. As it is, traffic is always slow here.”