Monday, December 31, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Tough question

Santa was on the hot seat on ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ and had reached up to fifty lakhs against his own expectations. He was at a stage where if he didn’t reply correctly, he would come down to mere five lakhs and he had only one life line left-PHONE-A-FRIEND. The question was tough:

“Name the bird that lays its eggs in the nest of other birds, not its own?”

Options are: a) sparrow b) crow c)cuckoo d)eagle.

Santa didn’t know the answer. He had only one option: phone-a-friend. So he called his friend Banta. Banta listened to Santa and instantly replied: “Its cuckoo. Go ahead don’t give it a second thought.”

Santa was impressed with Banta’s confidence but still doubtful, he said: “c) cuckoo.”

The hall erupted. The answer was right. Santa had won the coveted amount. Later, still surprised, he asked Banta: “How is it that you had the correct answer so quick?”

Banta: “You are a fool. Haven’t you seen cuckoo clocks? That's where they live.”

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Driver and Conductor

Santa: Bus Conductor aur Driver mein kya farak hai?

Banta: Bus Conductor so jaye toh kisis ka Ticket nahi katega.....lekin agar Bus Driver so gaya toh sabka Ticket kat jayega.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Sardar jokes-Manmohan Singh

Manmohan Singh: Main bilkul nirdosh hun.. Main corrupt nahi hoon...

Sunny Leonne: Waise toh phir main bhi Virgin hoon...

Friday, December 28, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Greece

Santa ki biwi summer vacations ki planning karte hue boli, "Kya kehte ho, iss baar second honeymoon ke liye Greece try karen?”

Santa: “Kyon? Sarson ke tel mein kya buraai hai?"

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Santa in History class

History teacher: Who was Chandra Gupta Maurya?

Santa: I think I know the answer, sir...was he the son of Ganapati Bappa Morya?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Santa's Math problem

A hockey coach wanted Santa in his team for inter school final but the school would not permit Santa to play as he had failed in math. The coach was desperate so the principal said: “OK coach, I will come to the field with you and ask Santa a simple math question in front you all and if his answer is correct, you can have him in your team.”

Off they went on the field where the players were practicing. The principal explained the situation and asked: “ Well Santa, what is four plus four?”

Santa: “I think it is eight?”

The coach was excited at the right answer and exclaimed: “Did you say eight?”

All the players shouted in chorus: “Please sir, please give him one more chance. He deserves it.”

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Maa keh de

Suhag-raat ko Santa biwi se bola: Tum itni sundar ho, mere paas shabd nahi hain.

Bahar khara Banta apne ladke se bola: Beta, ek baar use Maa keh de, baaki sab main dekh loonga.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Medecine bottle

When Santa went to Banta’s house on casual visit, he found Banta staring at a bottle of medicine without moving. When Santa asked Banta what he was doing, Banta merely motioned him to be silent and pointed at the medicine bottle.

Santa bent down and had a closer look. Printed on the bottle was: “CONCENTRATE.”

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Mad Santa

Santa Singh once returned home earlier than usual and found a strange man in his bed with his wife. Santa Singh lost his head, drew his gun from the drawer and put the nozzle of the gun on his own temple.

Santa’s wife begged: “Please Santa, for god’s sake, don’t kill yourself. I beg of you.’

Santa shouted back: “Just keep quite. You will be the next.”


Saturday, December 22, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

Santa was getting lessons on mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The professor says : If girl falls unconscious, give her lip-lock to blow air in her lungs and keep on pressing her chest with both your hands. Any Questions?

Santa: How to make her unconscious.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Patla doodh

Lady to Santa doodh-waala: Bhai Aaj kal doodh bohat patla aa raha hai.

Santa: Bhen ji, Mujhe kya bata rahi ho, kisi doctor ko dikhao.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Santa's son

Santa's Son: Are ghosts for real?

Santa: Of course not.

Santa's Son: But the maid said they are.

Santa: Son, pack your bags! We don't have a maid!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Santa in class

Teacher: 'He' does not like girls. What is 'He' in this sentence?

Santa: Gay.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Santa's interview

Santa Se Kisi Interview Pe 4 questions Puche Gaye:

Question: Bataye Ki Aapki Strength, Weakness, Opportunity & Threat Kya Hai

Santa Ne Bada Soch Samajh Ke Jawab Diya


Strength – My Wife, Preeto.

Weakness – Bantas Wife, Jeeto.

Opportunity – When Banta Is On Tour.

Threat – When I Am On Tour.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Underwear salesman

Santa Ladies Garments Shop mein Salesman ki naukri karta tha.

Ek din ek larki aayi aur boli: Underwear dikhao.

Santa sharmate huye bola: Aaj nahi pehna!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Miserly

Throughout his life, Santa was known for his miserly behavior. Now he was on his death bed. The doctor had declared that his moment had come and let him go home.

While resting on his bed, Santa whispered: “Where is my dear wife?” Mrs. Santa came near the bed, held his hand and said: “I am right here.”
Santa rested for a few moments and made another effort: “Where are my beloved children?”

The children came around and sat near his feet.

Another effort after a while: “Where is my dearest and only friend Banta?” Banta came near, sat near Santa’s head, tried to comfort him then said: “You want to say something?”

Santa nodded, made a final desperate effort: “When all of you are here, why the hell are the drawing room lights on?” and died.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Santa aur Jyotish

Santa Ek Jyotish Ke Paas Kundli Dikhane Gaya.

Jyotish: Tera Naam Santa Singh Hai?

Santa: Ji Maharaj

Jyotish: Tujhe Do Ladki & Ek Ladka Hai?

Santa: ji Maharaj

Jyotish: Tune Abhi 10 Kilo Chawal Kharide Hai?

Santa: Haan, Oye Aap To Antaryami Ho

Jyotish: Bete Agli Baar Aana, To Kundli Lana Ration Card Nahi

Friday, December 14, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Beauty parlour

Santa's girlfriend: Main abhi-abhi beauty parlour se aa rahi hoon...

Santa: Kya baat hai! Aaj bhi band tha kya??

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Santa insulting Banta

Santa is in an insulting mood.

Santa: There is a good news for you.

Banta: What?

Santa: You are going to the United States.

Banta: I am? How?

Santa : Some American scientist will take you there.

Banta: Why?

Santa: That's because they want to test how can you live without a brain.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Santa Banta sms jokes-Future tense

Santa: 'I killed a person' - convert this sentence into future tense.

Banta: The future tense is 'U will go to jail'.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Weather forecast

Santa was walking with only one hand in a glove.

Banta asked him why he was wearing only one glove.

Santa replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Short Santa jokes-First kiss

Santa to GF: Is this your first kiss?

GF (getting angry) : Of course!! Yesterday, Banta was also asking the same question!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Obey

Santa to wife : You will never be able to make the dog obey you.

Santa's wife : It's just a matter of patience...do you remember how much trouble I had with you earlier?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Name to blame

Judge to Santa : Did you molest this English girl?

Santa: Judge saab, aap iska naam poochige to aap bhi isko molest kar doge!

Judge to victim: What is your name, lady?

Victim: Merry Marlow.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Santa pareshan!

Santa : Main yeh roz roz condom chadaane-utaarne ke jhanjat se pareshan ho gaya hoon.

Santa's wife: Aap lamination kyon nahi karwa lete?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Toofani

Santa : Arre yaar, Thums Up walon ne pareshan kar ke rakha hai.

Banta: Kyon?

Santa: Meri biwi roz raat ko mujhe Thums Up pilati hai aur kehti hai "Chalo aaj kuch toofani karte hain"!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Ghabrahat

Santa ki shaag raat thi...

Santa's wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.

Santa: Hamaari pehli raat hai, isliye?

Santa's wife: Arre nahi, RAAT ko pehli baar kar rahi hoon!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Santa Banta joke-Two legs

Santa : Tell me, which mouse walks on two legs?

Banta : No idea

Santa : It's Mickey Mouse...now tell me, which duck walks on two legs?

Banta: Donald duck

Santa: Wrong you moron.... all ducks walk on two legs!!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Wanted

Santa aur Banta deewar par poster dekhne hain "2 Biharis WANTED for rape"

Santa Banta se kehta hai: Yaar, sabse acchi jobs to in Biharion ko milti hain!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Badi zameen

Santa : Mere khet itne bade hain, ki agar main subah se apni car mein chaloon toh sham tak apni aadhi zameen bhi nahi dekh paoonga.

Banta : Mere paas bhi pehle aisi hi khatara car thi...maine bech di!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Short Santa jokes-Angry

What happens when Santa gets Angry ?

We have - an Angry Sird !!!