In the bar

Santa to Banta :Yaar meri biwi ne mera mazaak banwa diya.

Banta : Kya hua

Santa : Hum log bar gaye the. Main baathroom gaya to Preeto bar tender ke saamne stool par baith gayi.
Uske left waale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Jack Daniels, single."
Uske right wale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Johnny Walker, single"
To Preeto bol padi, "Preeto Kaur, married!"




 

Saas

Santa was practicing yoga.

Banta asked,"Arre ye kya kar raha hai?"

Santa said, "Yog ka abhyas kar raha hoon. Baba Ramdev ji kehte hain ke fit rehna hai to saas par control karo."

Banta commented, "Arre yaar, yahaan gharwali control nahi hoti, saas pe kya khaak control karenge!"

Prayers answered

Santa: “Banta, look at that notice near the entrance of that temple which says: Do not leave your wife alone inside the temple when it is crowded."

Banta: “I know. You may be tempted to think God has answered your prayer after all.”

Good behavior

Santa: “Banta, I am very happy today. My son is returning tomorrow.”

Banta: “But I understand he was jailed for seven years. I think it is a little over four years now. A few more are left, isn’t it?”

Santa: “You are right. But he is pardoned for his good behavior in the jail for the rest of his term.”

Banta: “How very wonderful. May God bless everyone with such well behaved boys.”

Dukhi GF

Santa ki gf Pinky badi dukhi lag rahi thi.

Santa ne poocha, "Kya hua darling?"

Pinky ne kaha, "Mere Dad ne mere liye ladka pasand kiya hai. Bahut jaldi main kissi aur ki ho jaoongi."

Santa excite ho ke bola, "Wah, iska matlab hum bina condom ke bhi sex kar sakte hain!"

Santa's psychological problem

Santa Singh barges into the psychiatrist's cabin, and seating himself, cries, "Doctor doctor, help me please!! I keep thinking I am a pig!"

The doctor orders, "Get off my couch."

Badle hue

Santa aur uski wife Preeto Shimla ghoomne jaa rahe the. Raaste mein unka accident ho jaata hai aur dono ki death ho jaati hai.

Santa ghost ban jaata hai aur Preeto dayan.

Woh log jab milte hain, to Preeto pyar se bolti hai, "Kitne badle hue lag rahe hain jee aap ghost ban kar."

Santa jawab deta hai, "Par tum bilkul nahi badli!"

Before and After

Santa: “What do people do just before they get married?”

Banta: “They dream of a happy future and laugh excitedly.”

Santa: “And what after marriage?”

Banta: “They reminisce about their happy past and cry.”

Fitter

At one point of time there was a heavy influx of immigrants in the US. So the authorities decided to screen the people coming in and allow only those who were professional in some field or the other. When Santa and Banta decided to migrate to the US, they too were screened. Santa went first and he was asked about his work and skill.

“Fitter” he said.

He was let in.

Banta went next and declared he worked in a ladies undergarment store. The officer at the screening counter rejected Banta’s plea and said that his was not a skilled profession.

Banta angered by this, said “But right before me, you let Santa go through.”

The Officer said, “He is skilled. He is a fitter.”

Banta commented, “Sure he is a fitter. When a lady comes in the store, Santa holds up a bra and says if it will fit the customer or not.”

Drive slow

Santa: “Did you notice Banta, there is not a single sign of ‘drive slow’ near this girls college?”

Banta: “No need. As it is, traffic is always slow here.”

Banta's wife

Santa has been admiring his neighbor, Banta's wife. Banta's wife always gives him this seductive smile whenever they greet each other. Santa didn't know how to approach the lady to tell her of his desires because she's married. So, one day the lady herself approached Santa when he was alone in his apartment.

Santa: Hi.

Lady: Hi.

Santa: Is everything alright?

Lady: Yes. Just need little help from you (Smiling seductively).

Santa: Wow! Anything for the angel.

Lady: I...I...I...just don't know how to say this. I'll be so ashamed of myself if I ask and you say no.

Santa: Oh my lady, you don't have to. I am ready to do anything for you.

Lady: You know, it's been over 3 weeks since my husband travelled.

Santa: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Lady: And even when he's around, he has some... (pause for a while) he has some disabilities.

Santa: Oh poor you. You must have been going through hell!

Lady: I know you'll be stronger than him.

Santa: Sure.

Lady: Can you help me?

Santa: Wow! Now? Sure, I'm ready if you are ready.

Lady: Oh thank goodness! That's why I came to you. Can you help me carry our deep freezer from our kitchen to the next street for repairs?

Behoshi ki dawa

Shop pe Ladki ne 34D ki Bra li aur trial room me t-shirt utaar ke dukandar Santa ko andar bulaya.

Santa ne uske breasts dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, aue wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai: Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !

Romantic Santa

Santa : Can I touch your breasts?

GF Chandni : Shut up!

Santa : can i touch your heartbeats?

GF Chandni : ooooh!! tum kitne romantic ho!

Rishta wahi soch nayee!

Panga mat lo

Ladki dukandar Santa se: Condoms ka pack dena.

Santa Shopkeeper taunt maarta hai: Kis liye behenji?

Ladki gusse mein kehti hai: Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra chut*ya paida na kare.

Betuka sawaal

Santa: Agar Sunny Leone Mughal-E-Azam mein Madhubala ki jagah hoti, to uska kya naam hota?

Banta: Kya betuka sawaal hai? Tu hi bata kya hota?

Santa: Muh-mein-le-Azam