Late to work

When Santa was late for work, his boss Mr. Gupta shouted at him, "Is this the time to come to office?"

Santa pleaded, "Please forgive me Sir. My BMW did not arrive today."

Mr. Gupta was astonished and asked, "Santa, do you come to office in a BMW?"

Santa replied quickly, "No Sir. You are getting me wrong. BMW means Bartann Maanjane Waali."

Buttermilk

A customer was having buttermilk at Santa's shop. The customer commented, "Look, there is a fly in my buttermilk."

Santa commented, "Have a heart, sir. How much of your buttermilk will this little fly take away?"

Foreignor

Santa Singh asked his wife Preeto, "Do I appear as a foreigner?"

Preeto replied, "By no means! Why?"

Santa Singh said, "When I went to Bangkok, a storekeeper told me that I looked like a foreignor."

Take off

Santa was travelling by air for the first time. The moment the front tyres of the plane left the ground for take off, Santa Singh went to the pilot's cabin and started beating him up. 

The pilot asked, "Why the hell are you hitting me?'

Santa replied, "You idiot, I am already scared out of my wits, and you are trying to play stunts!"

Wisdom

Santa’s wife: “I am going for shopping. I need five thousand rupees.”

Santa: “More than money, you need some wisdom.”

Santa’s wife: “How can I ask for something you don’t have?”

Responsible

Santa’s girlfriend’s father: “I will give my daughter’s hand to a responsible person, are you?”

Santa: “Sure, whenever there is any mishap in our house, everybody holds me responsible.”

No more

Santa Singh was standing in the balcony of his thirteenth floor flat enjoying the breeze and life in general. Out of blue he received a call: “Santa, your wife is no more.”

Shocked and out of his mind with grief Santa jumped from the balcony.

On his way down he realized he was not married.

Only me

Santa’s girlfriend: “Honey, do you really love me? I mean, love only me?”
 
Santa: “Yes darling, I have gone through my entire list.”

Santa's psychological problem

Santa Singh barges into the psychiatrist's cabin, and seating himself, cries, "Doctor doctor, help me please!! I keep thinking I am a pig!"

The doctor orders, "Get off my couch."

Badle hue

Santa aur uski wife Preeto Shimla ghoomne jaa rahe the. Raaste mein unka accident ho jaata hai aur dono ki death ho jaati hai.

Santa ghost ban jaata hai aur Preeto dayan.

Woh log jab milte hain, to Preeto pyar se bolti hai, "Kitne badle hue lag rahe hain jee aap ghost ban kar."

Santa jawab deta hai, "Par tum bilkul nahi badli!"

Behoshi ki dawa

Shop pe Ladki ne 34D ki Bra li aur trial room me t-shirt utaar ke dukandar Santa ko andar bulaya.

Santa ne uske breasts dekh ke chusna shuru kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, aue wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya & jate hue shishe pe likh gai: Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !

Romantic Santa

Santa : Can I touch your breasts?

GF Chandni : Shut up!

Santa : can i touch your heartbeats?

GF Chandni : ooooh!! tum kitne romantic ho!

Rishta wahi soch nayee!

Panga mat lo

Ladki dukandar Santa se: Condoms ka pack dena.

Santa Shopkeeper taunt maarta hai: Kis liye behenji?

Ladki gusse mein kehti hai: Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra chut*ya paida na kare.

Short Santa jokes-Dhamki

Santa Police station ja kar kahta hai: Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki mil rhi hai!
 
Inspector: Kaun dhamka raha hai?

Santa:- MTNL waale, kehte hain ki bill nahi bhara to kaat denge.

Mount Everest

Santa ne Mt. Everest pe ek baba ko guttka ragadte hue dekha.

Santa- Baba ye kya hai?.

Baba - Masala.

Santa - Achha, to Everest masala aap hi banate ho?

Train timings

Santa:- Express kitne baje hai?
T.T:- 3 baje.
Santa:- Local?
T.T:- 7 baje.
Santa:- Aur maal gadi?
T.T:- 12 baje, Abe tujhe jaana kahan hai?
Santa:- Patri pe potty karne.

Santa ki beri

Santa ki beti ne kaha, "Papa, kal aapke ghar se ek member kam ho jaega."

Agle din, Santa ki beti bhag jati hai.

Santa ne apni wife se kaha, "Ladki ne kaam to galat kiya, par thi woh jyotish."

Chaand

Public toilet me likha tha "Duniya chand pe pahuch gayi aur tu yahi baitha hai" 

Santa niche likh ke aaya "Bas dho ke jaa raha hu".

Short Santa jokes-See you

Santa office ke liye nikal hi raha tha, ki uski wife Preeto pyar se boli, "See u in the evening."

Santa ne gusse se jawaab diya, "Dhamki kise de rahi hai, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga."

Ghar pe koi nahi!

Santa ki girlfriend Simran bade romantic mood mein boli, "Aaj mere ghar koi nahi hai, aa jao naa."

Santa ne kaha, "Arre pagli, tu mere ghar aaja, yahaan hum saare hain, tera dil lag jayega."