Late to work

When Santa was late for work, his boss Mr. Gupta shouted at him, "Is this the time to come to office?"

Santa pleaded, "Please forgive me Sir. My BMW did not arrive today."

Mr. Gupta was astonished and asked, "Santa, do you come to office in a BMW?"

Santa replied quickly, "No Sir. You are getting me wrong. BMW means Bartann Maanjane Waali."

Buttermilk

A customer was having buttermilk at Santa's shop. The customer commented, "Look, there is a fly in my buttermilk."

Santa commented, "Have a heart, sir. How much of your buttermilk will this little fly take away?"

Foreignor

Santa Singh asked his wife Preeto, "Do I appear as a foreigner?"

Preeto replied, "By no means! Why?"

Santa Singh said, "When I went to Bangkok, a storekeeper told me that I looked like a foreignor."

Ship travel

Santa : A hundred sardars from my village were travelling in a ship and they all died.

Banta : Oh my God! How did that happen?

Santa: Well the ship halted due to some technical fault and they all got down to push it.

Banta ki jalebi

Santa to Banta halwaai: Kitne saal se jalebi bana raha hai bhai?

Banta halwai: 14 saal se. Kyon?

Santa: Itne saal ho gaye tujhe, aur ab tak jalebi seedhi banani nahi seekha???

Take off

Santa was travelling by air for the first time. The moment the front tyres of the plane left the ground for take off, Santa Singh went to the pilot's cabin and started beating him up. 

The pilot asked, "Why the hell are you hitting me?'

Santa replied, "You idiot, I am already scared out of my wits, and you are trying to play stunts!"

Wisdom

Santa’s wife: “I am going for shopping. I need five thousand rupees.”

Santa: “More than money, you need some wisdom.”

Santa’s wife: “How can I ask for something you don’t have?”

Responsible

Santa’s girlfriend’s father: “I will give my daughter’s hand to a responsible person, are you?”

Santa: “Sure, whenever there is any mishap in our house, everybody holds me responsible.”

No more

Santa Singh was standing in the balcony of his thirteenth floor flat enjoying the breeze and life in general. Out of blue he received a call: “Santa, your wife is no more.”

Shocked and out of his mind with grief Santa jumped from the balcony.

On his way down he realized he was not married.

Only me

Santa’s girlfriend: “Honey, do you really love me? I mean, love only me?”
 
Santa: “Yes darling, I have gone through my entire list.”

Lie detector

A Frenchman, a German and an Indian Sardarji were to be put upon a lie detector to test the machine’s efficiency. 

The Frenchman said, "I assure you I can have half a bottle of neat whisky at a go.” The detector remained silent. 

The German began: "I assure you I can consume a whole bottle of neat whisky in one sitting.” The machine sounded Grrrrrrrr. 

Now it was our Sardarji’s turn:. "I assure…….” Grrrrrrr, off went the detector.

Detective firm

There was a vacancy in a detective firm. Three persons went for the interview, one Bihari, one Bengali and one Sardar. The executive at the detective agency called them one by one and asked them the same question: “Who killed Ravana?”

The Bihari replied without hesitation: “Ram.”

The Bengali took his time as is their want and said: “It was Ram.”

Now it was Sardarji’s turn. After listening to the question Sardarji paused a little and asked for some time to ponder over the issue. The boss was amused but OK’d his request and told him to answer the next day. He went home with a box of sweets in his hands and exited, told his wife: “I am in business. I already got the job and I have been entrusted to solve a murder mystery.”

Simple solution

Santa aur Banta ladkiyaan chhed rahe the.

Do ladkiyon ne pareshaan hoke Santa aur Banta ke haath mein rakhi baandh di and unko kaha : Ab aap kya karoge?

Santa ne Banta se kaha: Banta, tu meri behen se shaadi kar le, main teri behen se karta hoon!

In the bar

Santa to Banta :Yaar meri biwi ne mera mazaak banwa diya.

Banta : Kya hua

Santa : Hum log bar gaye the. Main baathroom gaya to Preeto bar tender ke saamne stool par baith gayi.
Uske left waale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Jack Daniels, single."
Uske right wale bande ne baar waale se kaha, "Johnny Walker, single"
To Preeto bol padi, "Preeto Kaur, married!"




 

Saas

Santa was practicing yoga.

Banta asked,"Arre ye kya kar raha hai?"

Santa said, "Yog ka abhyas kar raha hoon. Baba Ramdev ji kehte hain ke fit rehna hai to saas par control karo."

Banta commented, "Arre yaar, yahaan gharwali control nahi hoti, saas pe kya khaak control karenge!"

Prayers answered

Santa: “Banta, look at that notice near the entrance of that temple which says: Do not leave your wife alone inside the temple when it is crowded."

Banta: “I know. You may be tempted to think God has answered your prayer after all.”

Good behavior

Santa: “Banta, I am very happy today. My son is returning tomorrow.”

Banta: “But I understand he was jailed for seven years. I think it is a little over four years now. A few more are left, isn’t it?”

Santa: “You are right. But he is pardoned for his good behavior in the jail for the rest of his term.”

Banta: “How very wonderful. May God bless everyone with such well behaved boys.”

Dukhi GF

Santa ki gf Pinky badi dukhi lag rahi thi.

Santa ne poocha, "Kya hua darling?"

Pinky ne kaha, "Mere Dad ne mere liye ladka pasand kiya hai. Bahut jaldi main kissi aur ki ho jaoongi."

Santa excite ho ke bola, "Wah, iska matlab hum bina condom ke bhi sex kar sakte hain!"

Santa's psychological problem

Santa Singh barges into the psychiatrist's cabin, and seating himself, cries, "Doctor doctor, help me please!! I keep thinking I am a pig!"

The doctor orders, "Get off my couch."

Badle hue

Santa aur uski wife Preeto Shimla ghoomne jaa rahe the. Raaste mein unka accident ho jaata hai aur dono ki death ho jaati hai.

Santa ghost ban jaata hai aur Preeto dayan.

Woh log jab milte hain, to Preeto pyar se bolti hai, "Kitne badle hue lag rahe hain jee aap ghost ban kar."

Santa jawab deta hai, "Par tum bilkul nahi badli!"