Santa Banta sms jokes-Almost

Banta asked Santa how often he had sex with his wife.

Santa replied, "Almost daily…almost Sunday…almost Monday...almost Tuesday…"

Short Santa jokes-English quiz

Santa won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of Manchester United.

Guess what he wrote?

Woman chest are divided!

Short Santa jokes-Head and Shoulders

Santa baalon ke saath saath kandhe pe bhi shampoo laga raha tha.

Yeh dekh kar wife boli: Kya kar rahe ho?

Santa-: Yeh koi aam shampo nahi hai, yeh Head & Shoulders hai.

Short Santa jokes-Let's have some fun

Santa's wife says to him, "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."

Santa replies, "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

Santa's pregnant wife

Santa's pregnant wife goes to see an astrologer.

The astrologer tells her, "When you deliver the baby, the child's father will die."

Santa's wife says, "Thank God, my Husband is safe. The risk is to the Sperm donor."

Short Santa jokes-Ab bas

A Cow said to Milkman SANTA angrily :

"Ab bas bhi karo.....

Ghar mein biwi nahi hai ka..??"

Santa Banta joke-Real love

Santa: Real love is when two people are so close that they see the world together in one direction.

Banta: Do you mean Doggy style?

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Chicken

Santa roti ka ek tukda khud kha raha tha aur ek tukda paas baithi murgi ko khila raha tha.

Banta: Oye, yeh kya kar raha hai?

Santa: Chicken ke saath roti kha raha hoon.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Common

Santa : Mandir ke baahar chappal rakhne mein aur missed call dene mein kya common hai ?

Banta : Tu hi bata de.

Santa : Dono mein darr lagta hai koi utha na le.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Naughty lessons

Santa : Yaar, Exam hall ek aisi jagah hai jahan tu ladkiyon ko kuch bhi keh de, unko bura nahi lagega.

Banta: Accha...aisa kya keh sakte hain?

Santa: Main kuch examples batata hoon, jaise

# Kuch to dikha de yaar, chal figure hi dikha de

# Haath hata, kuch dikh nai raha hai.

# Thoda sa reh gaya niche ka, bas 10 min aur karne de

# Dede yaar, warna main to mar jaoonga

# Ek baar aur khol de, main fatafat kar lunga iss baar

Santa's break-up gift

Santa wanted a break up, so he bought a gift for his girlfriend.

His girlfriend opens the gift and there's a rocket inside.

Girlfriend: What the hell would I do with this rocket?

Santa: You wanted the stars, right? Now sit on this rocket and get lost!!

Short Santa jokes-LOL

Santa thought the meaning of "LOL" is Lots of Love.

He sent a text to his girlfriend - You are the only girl in my life..LOL.

Santa ka accident

Doctor says to injured Santa, "Jab car ek aurat chala rahi thi to tumhe sadak se thodi dur chalna chahiye tha."

Santa: Kaisi sadak??? Main to khet main lota leke baitha tha.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Ek kiss

Santa: Ek-Kiss ke baad kya aata hai?

Banta: Mujhe bataate sharam aati hai.

Santa: Sharma mat! Ek-Kiss (21) ke baad Baa-iss (22) aata hai!

Santa insulting Banta

Santa to his friend Banta: I don't think you are a fool but...what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others!

Santa Banta joke-Gold medal

Santa is reading the newspaper headlines: "Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump".

Santa says to Banta: "That idiot! Who asked him to wear the gold medal while jumping."

Santa's labor job

Santa got a labor job fixing light poles to the ground. After the day’s work the contractor asked him: “How many poles you fixed today?”

Santa: “One.”

Contractor: “Just one? Look at others. They put in six to seven each.”

Santa: “Look at their poles. They have left most of them sticking out.”

Short Santa jokes-Chaand

Santa-Tum to meri Chaand ho..

GF- Aur tum mere Neil Armstrong ho.

Santa-Woh kyon?

GF-Chand pe chadhne waala pehla aadmi.

Short Santa jokes-Kitne aadmi

Santa: Tum ek baar mein kitney aadmi utha sakte ho?

Pehalwan: Kam se kam 8.

Santa: Bass!Tumse accha to hamara murga hai jo subah poore mohalle ko utha deta hai!

Santa Banta sms jokes-Bestseller

Santa: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Banta: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Hint

Santa: Agar tu bata de ki meri tokri mein kya hai, to saare ande tere. Aur agar ye bata de ki kitne hain to 8 ke 8 tere..aur agar ye bhi bata de ki kiske hain to murgi bhi teri.

Banta: Abe yaar, KUCH HINT TO DE..!!

Short Santa jokes-Price of dress

Girl: Iss dress ki kya price hai ?

Dukandar Santa: Rs. 7000.

Girl: Oh my God! Aur wo green wali dress ki kya price hai?

Dukandar Santa: Oh my God + Oh my God!

Santa's short wife

Banta: Arre Santa, tune itni short ladki se kyon shaadi ki?

Santa: Kyonki mere guruji ne kaha tha museebat jitni chhoti ho utna hi accha hai!

Santa and Banta jokes in Hindi-Race

Santa: Chal Banta, scooter ki race lagaate hain. Jo haarega, woh doosre ko Rs. 500/- dega.

Banta: Par mujhe raasta nahi pata.

Santa : Fikr mat kar, bas mere piche-piche rehna.

Banta : Thank you, yaar.

Santa's fb status

Santa's fb status : I'm Online on Fb during Lecture hahaha...!!

Comment from his professor:
"Get out of the Class now"

Principal Liked comment! ;)

Friend commented:
"Jaldi aa yaar, cafe mein item hai" :D

Gate keeper's comment:
"Saab pehle idhar aa ke apni bike Lock kardein" :p

Mom commented:
"Nalayak class nahi karni toh sabzi le ke seedha ghar wapis aa.."

Dad commented:
Dekhlo apne bete ki harkatain..:/

GF commented:
I Hate U! Mjhse kaha tha Dadi ka acdnt ho gya wo hospital mein hai, Mil nahi sakta.:D

Dadi commented:
Manhoos..tu ghar aa batati hu tujhe nalayak.:D

Santa Banta sms jokes-Choices

Santa :Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.

Banta :And never be proud of your choices. Your wife is one of them.

Interview at the Embassy

Consultant: “What is your name?”

Santa: “Santa Singh, Sir”

Consultant: “Sex?”

Santa: “Twelve to fourteen times a Week”

Consultant: “No no, I mean male or female?”

Santa: “Both, male and female and sometimes even shemale”

Consultant: “Holy Cow”

Santa: “Yes, cows And dogs too”

Consultant: “Man, isn't it hostile?”

Santa: “Horse style, dog style, any style.”

Consultant: “Ohhh dear!”

Santa: “Deer? No sir, they run too fast!"

Sardar gets fleeced

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has clock tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says “Yes”.

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder”.

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day, the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock,

“Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder.”

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says, “I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I’ll go get a ladder.”

Short Santa jokes-Breakfast time

It is Breakfast time at Santa's residence.

Santa's wife calls out to the domestic help: Hari, Santa sahab ke ande ubaal dena ..

The domestic help asks: Memsaab, apka bhi doodh garam kru?

Santa's wife: Abhi nahi...Santa sahab Sahab ko office jaane do...

Santa's compliment

Santa to GF: I like your teeth a lot.

GF blushes & says : Oh really, why is that?

Santa: Because my favorite color is yellow.

Santa Banta sms in Hindi-Obama

Santa: Mere mein aur Obama mein kya antar hai?

Banta: Kya?

Santa: Simple- main uske ghar nahin jaata, aur woh mere ghar nahin aata!